Sarvam

Vallamai Tharaayo

2008-06-28T00:12:00.004+05:30

My interest in tamil poetry stems primarily out of Bharatiyaar lyrics I learnt as songs that my Sir expained beautifully in trying to make us feel "it" and express the emotion when we sang them.

Hampered greatly by my limited knowledge of the literary style of the language (some will argue that my spoken style isn't great shakes either....though I vehemently disagree!), I find that other stuff takes me forever to comprehend.

Anyway, I am going to rave in this post about one of Bharatiyaar's most famous songs, engraved in the collective conscience of tamil movie audiences by a despodent looking Kamal Hassan singing it in Varumaiyin niram sigappu. Nalladhir Veenai seidhe is a wonderful song that is essentially devotional. Bharathi asks the goddess Sivasakthi to grant him some "things" and what is most striking is not just the "things" he asks for but the tone , which is almost as if he demands that she give him what he is asking for.

nalladhor veenai seidhe - adhai

nalam keda puzhidhiyil erivadhundo ?

solladi sivasakthi - ennai sudarmigum

arivudan padaithuvittai

Having made a beatiful Veena-

would you throw it to dust and let it rot?

Tell me oh Sivasakthi-

Why have you bestowed me with sparkling wisdom?

vallamai thaaraayo - intha

maanilam payanura vaazhvatharke

solladi sivasakthi -

nilachumayena vaazhnthida puriguvayo ?

Give (me) skill so this society

may live a fruitful life

Would you rather, Oh Sivasakthi ,

that they spent it being a burden to the land they tread?

visaiyaru pandhinai pol - ullam

vendiyapadi sellum udal kaettenn

asaiyuru manam ketten - nitham

navamena sudar tharum uyir kaetten

I ask for a body that does the bidding of my soul

much like a ball

I ask for a clean heart and a spirit that is kindled

anew each day

dasayinai thee chudinum

siva sakthiyai paadum nal agam kaeten

asaivaru mathi kaetten - ivai

arulvathil unakkaethum thadaiyullatho ?

I ask to be able to sing your praise

in the most difficult times (when my skin is on fire)

I ask for unshakeable wisdom

Tell me Oh sivasakthi- what stops you from bestowing on me all this?

I love how it starts...ok I love it all. The imagery is so powerful and I think thats what makes most of his poetry so inspirational. Here its almost as if he is chiding the Goddess. He says - Does it make any sense to you that someone would put all that energy into crafting this beautiful Veena and then just throw it in dust? Well if that doesn't make sense to you then all this energy you have put into creating this beatiful Veena that is the human form is a waste if you don't also give me all these other things. Without them , my existence is a burden on this land.

And then after a long list of things he wants, in one sentence he summarises the pride he feels in this human form, the admiration he feels for the almighty that crafted it and his perception of the enormity and omniscient presence of this entity when he says "What stops you from granting me all this?" meaning that while all this will enhance my already beautiful form so that I will also be useful to myself and others....I don't see how you could have missed it...you my creator, you who knows everything and you, for who this new list of demands is not a big deal.

While higher being like Bharathi have more abstract demands, all I am asking for at this point is the will to keep awake and not goof off :)

Separation revisited

2008-04-17T00:08:00.004+05:30

Among my favorite poems, and indeed the only one I remember fully is this poem that I had written about quite long back in this post.
A conversation with a friend yesterday brought it up again and now two years hence and a little wiser (I would like to think) about such things, I felt the need to revisit it and add to it.
The poem is titled 'Separation' and has been penned by W.S.Merwin.

Separation'

Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.

-- W.S. Merwin

It is a fresh perspective on separation....why do all of us have the need for something or someone to be constant in our lives....this is a repetition of what was said in the last post but every relationship/interaction teaches one a lot....but from some we learn a lot more...we see new parts of ourselves that we fall in love with. Here is a poem that says,
just being with you has made me a different person.....so different that its as if you changed something at the core (gone through me) . Indeed unless the change is that dramatic, one doesn't think much of the separation.
But then he says, "everything I do is stitched in its color" and to me that seems to mean that I have accepted this separation and I acknowledge that in everything I do henceforth I see a little of you because of the person I have become from knowing you.

Through this conversation I somehow got reminded of one of the verses from the Yaksha Prashnam episode of the Mahabharata. The pandavas while on exile, are looking for water and find a pond to which they go one after the other and don't seem to return. Yudhistira then goes forth to investigate why the other four haven't come back and finds them lying dead by the lake.
He then hears a yaksha speak to him and the yaksha says Yudhishtira can drink the water only if he answers some questions first.

The set of 20 something questions are Hindu philosophy in a nutshell. But the one I particularly got reminded of in the context of the above conversation is this one:

The yaksha asks Yudhishtira : What is the most surprising thing?
To which Yudhishtira answers thus:

Ahanyahani bhootaani gacchanteeh yamaalayam
Sheshaaha sthavaram icchanti kimaashcharyam ataha param

This translates loosely into: Everyday many living being die (go to the abode of Yama) and the rest of us see this and yet the rest of us live and behave as if we are immortal.

I have since been puzzled at the connection that my head seems to have made but I think the connection comes from the fact that in the bigger scheme of things what matters is that you were associated with someone , for however short a time and the separation in itself is necessary perhaps for life to go on.

This last thought , of course, is not very concrete since I am still thinking of the reason for the connection!

Untitled

2008-04-05T03:10:00.002+05:30

A poem I read on orkut of all places.....but something that seems perfect.

Somewhere along the road
you meet up with yourself.
Recognition is immediate.
If it happens at the proper
time and place, you propose
a toast:

May you remain as my shadow
 when I lie down.
May I live on as your ghost.

Then you pass, knowing you'll
never see yourself that way
again: the fires which burn
before you are your penance,
the ashes you leave behind are
your name.

Enough said.

Wedding declarations, Love and Sonnet XVII

2008-01-23T03:26:00.000+05:30

Yesterday was a very happy day........... two of my favorite people called and we conferenced after what seemed like ages...it was like being back in school in one of those pajama parties...ah how sweet nostalgia smells :D

Anyway, I learned that one of them was getting married and so was another person from the favorites list :D A third favorited person told me later in the day that his wedding plans are also concrete! My list of "favoritest" people in the world is not very long...ok maybe it is longer than most people's but then again my argument is that most people have tiny lists because they have never really given it as much thought and so when you ask then they are coming up with it impromptu and of course they are missing some people. Anyway , back to the point, under the Friends section I have 7 names and with these declarations that makes 6 of them married/going to be married in the next year/ know for sure who they are going to marry though wedding has to wait for various other reasons.

and just the thought filled me with happiness such as I had not felt in a long long time. I am a sucker for happy endings and happy beginnings and it of course reminded me of Neruda. :D:D

So this post is going to feature a poem that was popularized by the movie Patch Adams. While the movie uses it beautifully, I am rather miffed by the fact that now people remember the nice lines but no one remembers that Neruda wrote them!!!!! While all his Love sonnets are awesome , if I were to pick a favorite ( I promise I will not use that word again!) it would have to be Sonnet XVII. It talks of the ideal love. I am almost certain true love feels this way and if it doesn't then I don't think I want this illusion to break.

Anyway, on that ultra sentimental note, here it is. Here is to all of you people on my list , to a happy life ahead and lots of good cheer and laughter....always.

(Ok now quickly make babies so I can do my evil laugh.:D )

Love Sonnet XVII

by Pablo Neruda

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving
but this, in which there is no I or you,
so close that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so close that when you close your eyes, I fall asleep.

Check out Robin Williams in a tear jerking scene reciting the last paragraph from the movie here

Haq-e-bandagi ham adaa kar chale

2007-10-14T02:13:00.000+05:30

Mir Taqi Mir is among the best Urdu poets that ever lived. More prolific than Ghalib, it is often a topic of much debate even as the urdu literary world tries to pitch one against the other and decide who is better.For a neophyte like me ,of course, one infinity is as big as the other :)

What is interesting in this comparison however, is the difference in their styles. Both penned Ghazals but while Ghalib's style seems more reflective and notes-to-self type, Mir's style is more conversational and in many ways resembles that of Neruda ( the man has to be named in every post :) )

Anyhoo, without further ado , here is one of Mir's ghazals with the as-usual-terrible translation by yours truly. This ghazal, in true sufi style, portrays a love that is hurting but a love that has surrendered to that hurt and in that surrender finds it difficult to give the love or the hurt up.

faqiraana aaye sadaa kar chale
miyaa.N Khush raho ham duaa kar chale

I call out like the beggar on the street,
I wish you all happiness oh Master!

jo tujh bin na jiine ko kahate the ham
so is ahd ko ab wafaa kar chale

I had said life is not worth living without you,
I fulfil that promise today.

koii naa-ummiidaana karate nigaah
so tum ham se muu.Nh bhii chhipaa kar chale

Lest your eyes betray your hopelessness,
You hide even your face from me.

dikhaaii diye yuu.N ki beKhud kiyaa
hame.n aap se bhii judaa kar chale

I see you and forget myself,
I lose my senses so, that it separates me from you.

jabii.n sajadaa karate hii karate gaii
haq-e-ba.ndagii ham adaa kar chale

I pay obeisance and can't seem to stop,
I justify my devotion thus.

kahe.n kyaa jo puuchhe koii ham se "Meer"
jahaa.N me.n tum aaye the, kyaa kar chale

What do I say when someone asks me,
What I have done with my time in this world?

Love from the heights of Machu Picchu

2007-08-01T13:34:00.000+05:30

In a blog that has been around for over 2 years now it is very very surprising that not a single post is dedicated to Pablo Neruda. Neruda is one of my favorite poets and it is my firm belief that his poetry can inspire those warm fuzzy feelings of love in the most unfeeling brute.

Suffice to say I don't think the readable length of a blog post will ever do any justice to the peans I wish to sing for this man and hence I shall refrain from making any such attempt. Instead, here are four lines from his first compilation of poems "Twenty love poems and a song of despair" , that, incidentally, he wrote when he was 20.

The love poems are earthy and full of passion and express love in a such a direct way that it makes one glow just thinking of a love like that. However, since I am the melancholy-loving kind, my favorite in the collection is the one "song of despair".

Is it weird that I wish someday I am able to love someone so much that the thought of not being with them brings me despair such as the poem describes?

Anyway , moving on. The full poem can be found in a here

The most poignant four lines are these:

In you the wars and the flights accumulated
From you the wings of the song birds rose.

You swallowed everything, like distance.
Like the sea, like time. In you everything sank!

I am not going to spoil it by interpreting in horrible sounding words of my own :)

God bless Neruda's trabslators

Murugan

2007-06-21T23:40:00.000+05:30

Five years of college in a popular city college ensured that I marked my attendance more regularly at the cinema multiplex close by. While I could blame this truancy on coursework that neither demanded any effort nor inspired to learn any more than required, I think it is a very usual and widespread college-goer tendency. Anyway, this Thursday afternoon , I found myself outside the multiplex with A, staring at the posters while we decided which movie to watch. We had been there 3 times already since the Friday past and that meant we had already seen every movie that was worth watching. Victims of media sensationalism and prey to the controversy that was created for this very purpose, we decided to watch Mallika Sherawat's "Murder" making sure Mahesh Bhatt recovered at least some of the money he had spent on raking up all the hullabaloo. We bought the tickets and seated ourselves on the parapet wall nearby while we waited for the previous showing to get done so we could go in.

So we sat there, establishing whose idea it really was so that jibes and looks of disbelief from others when we confessed what movie we had seen could be directed to the rightful party. There was a tap on my shoulder and I turned around to see a Murugan, 8 years old as he later informed us, and a beggar. However, a beggar unlike other beggar kids. He was clean and did not have the sing song "Amma" tone that , unfortunately, drives even the most charitable ,away from these people nowadays. Very lucidly he proceeded to tell us that he had not eaten all day and that his little sister also needed food so we should go around to the restaurant nearby and please buy him food.

A and I exchanged glances and instantly knew we were going to help the kid only because we are both curious about people in general and something out of the stereotype, such as this kid , was most interesting. Our conversation with him for the rest of the 20 minutes we did spend with him went something like this:

A: So where is your sister?
M: She is outside the restaurant saar. I left her there so I could find someone to buy us food.
A: How old are you both?
M: I am 8 and she is 6. Our mother died last year because she got sick. I have been trying to get a job since but some days, like today , I can't find anything to do and we have to go hungry.
A: (Opening mouth to say something, even as M continues)
M: Its not safe you know, leaving a young girl like her alone around here all day. I want her to go to school but that also needs some money.

(A and I have grins on our faces by now not knowing how much of this right-out-of-a-movie-story to believe but we liked his spunk.)

M: What movie are you going to watch Sir?
A : Oh we are here for "Murder" that hindi movie.
M: The one with that woman sitting showing her back? ( Promotional posters of Murder had a back shot of Mallika in a backless swimsuit).
We grinned in agreement.
I: Why Madam you are letting Sir take you to such movies? ( MUAHAHAHA! I like stereotypes when they help you establish whose idea the movie could have been!)

We reach the restaurant and sure enough there is a small girl , looking as clean as Murugan standing there. She sees Murugan and flashes a really cute smile and suddenly this little white woman with the halo over the head appears on my right shoulder and chides me for doubting Murugan's story even if for just a minute. We go in and the restaurant owner greets Murugan warmly, like he would, a daily customer. Murugan informs us that the man lets him and his sister wash up in the restaurant everyday so they can look as clean as they do.

Murugan orders the meal and A offers to buy him dinner too, but Murugan declines. The take out parcels arrive , we pay for them, hand them over to Murugan and say our goodbyes. It's time for the movie.

That makes-you-feel-good-on-the-inside feeling that comes out of having done a good deed is very special and adds the proverbial spring to one's step. Urban India, unfortunately, makes one so cynical that 20 paces later, as we entered the movie hall we knew we had been had. The spring giving way to stomping and the kicking oneself for letting an 8 year old take you for a ride. Murugan was probably returning the food parcel and making his money, giving that "sister" of his her share. Fortunately the movie was about to start and the excitement of being in a theatre to watch Murder of all movies took over quickly. The movie was , to put it charitably, a big disappointment in every way but did make us laugh a lot ( least of all when it was trying to be funny) and forget Murugan for 2 hours.

As we walked out toward the bike parked by the parapet, our blame-game now raised to a shout match, two little hands waved at us from the corner and in a picture perfect shot we saw two big smiles on two small but very happy faces.

Friends in Small Places

2007-06-21T22:23:00.000+05:30

Summer is a good time to start doing all that you have been procrastinating because you run out of inane excuses relating to coursework and research. Finding myself in that position right now , I start here something I have been meaning to do for over 6 months now.

My admiration for Ruskin Bond stems not only from the fact that I think his prose has an easy style that I would myself like to emulate but also from the often O. Henryesque depiction of very Indian characters. My favorite collection of his writings is a small book called Friends in Small Places. It is a collection of essays of snippets about the various cameos in his other books and in the 2 pages they each claim, they take you along on a very endearing journey of a slice of their lives. Their likeness to a lot of people I have personally known makes it closer to my heart even as all the warm, fuzzy, sometimes not-so-nice but always real feelings I relate with them emerge everytime I pick up the book and read an essay.

That said, with this post I start putting forth my own set of short essays on people I have known..peppered of course with a lot of fiction driven by my constant useless daydreaming of what could have been :) . I am also thrilled with my recently acquired knowledge of adding labels to my posts ( STOP! before you go on about what a primitive art it is and suchlike blah.... ve are like this only!) so posts in this series shall henceforth be under the FISP label.

Shikva

2007-04-25T05:19:00.000+05:30

My blogging glands (yes we are the glandy biologist-types) suddenly become active only when I am in a time crunch and should be doing something else! Well, that is the story of every procrastinator that ever lived.

Having recently watched Woody Allen's Annie Hall, I was reminded of two lines of one of my favorite Hindi movie songs.

A side thought: Indian film music doesn't give much emphasis to lyrics. Given that the dominant style in Indian music is the vocal style, this is a rather surprising state of affairs but as it is and has been, Indian music specially film music sorely lacks aesthetics in terms of lyrical quality often falling into predictable traps of the "dil-vil-pyar-vyar" variety.

Anyway, the song in questions is, a love song that has intrigued me for as long as I can remember , from this movie Aandhi, with lyrics by Gulzar. Directed by Gulzar incidentally, a rather boring movie with a i-get-paid-for-looking-like-a-moron Suchitra Sen. To me the only draw to the movie was Sanjeev Kumar. Having chosen career over family and blah, Suchitra Sen , a politician , runs into hotel manager husband Sanjeev Kumar after ages. Old feelings emerge and blah and they sing this song:

Tere bina zindagi se koi shikwa nahin,
Tere bina zindagi bhi lekin zindagi nahin.

(shikva= regret/ misgiving/ complain , zindagi= life)

While the rest of the song is typical Gulzar and IMHO nothing spectacular, I love how these two lines capture the relationship of the lead pair so concisely.

Loosely translated these lines would go:

Life would be perfect without you in it ,
Life would, however, not be life without you in it.

(G (not Gulzar) is going to disagree with this translation. We have argued over this for as long as we have known each other but oh well, my blog so .....:) )

Notice how there are times when the fact that ten million people care fades in front of the seeming nonchalance of one person. Times when say on a birthday, the fact that that one wish did not come irks more than the hundred others that did come. Times when every achievement seems a little less happy because the everyone who is happy for you does not include that one person. Times when you are left wondering if it is all in fact a trade off for an otherwise full life.

But melancholy and over-dramatization is, of course, the essence of life! Everybody needs a "shikva" character in their lives and till the real shikva character does show up, we shift this burden from one relationship to another looking for the perfect shikva. For, how else are you supposed to know that you have found "true love" , unless shikva obligingly acts as the yard stick?

:)

Of "Boardroom pinup girls", "global ponds" and women's day

2007-03-13T02:59:00.000+05:30

On the occasion of Women's Day on March 8th, The Economic Times marked its "observance" of the day by inviting Padma Ravichander, Managing director Perot Systems, to write something up about the participation of women in higher management in industry. The original article can be found here.

Let me start by saying that I was hugely disappointed by the content and general writing of the article. I am in fact, so traumatized by the whole experience that I am going to proceed to dissect the article and tell you why I hated it so much. This is going to be a bit of an exhaustive ripping apart seeing that almost every line seems to bother me. Words in bold and with quotes around them are straight out of the article. Those that have quotes around them but are not in bold need you to imagine me making air quotes if I were saying all this out :)

I am really hoping I totally missed a big point here and that my whole understanding of the "message" is warped, because my trauma will continue if that is not the case .:)

So she writes this article and she decides to use for a title, "Boardroom pin-up girls making waves" . While it doesn't make any immediate sense to me, I am sure if I were top-brass management of a Fortune500 company, I would not want to be referred to as a "boardroom pin-up girl" whether or not I am "making waves". Even to just catch the reader's eye, this , I thought, was a rather poor choice of words.

It starts out painfully like a high school essay stating how women "hold seats on corporate boards, run major companies and are regularly featured on the covers of business magazines as prominent leaders and power brokers." and with the naivete of a high school essayist she asks "Who could have imagined this even half a century ago?" . Why do I get the feeling she thinks "half a century" amounts to 500 years back?

We are then treated to a whole bunch of illuminating statistics about how the percentage of women at the "top of the corporate ladder" is very low. She goes on to say that in IT however, " The demand for IT jobs particularly in India have ensured a greater population of women in the workplace than ever before ". Of course, if we had only half the jobs they would all go to men and women are just making up numbers here. Notice also, how a demand "have" ensured something....in The Economic Times no less!!! ( I am not going to be charitable to grammatical errors. With my not-so-admirable grammar skills , if I can catch such mistakes,come on, those editors are paid for correcting them!)

" Information Technology, world over is a relatively new industry and hence has enjoyed the luxury of greater gender neutrality than other industries where the organisational values, definitions of competencies and leadership are still predicated on traits that are stereotypically as-sociated with men tough, aggressive and decisive."

This long sentence left me in a fix. While the poor language and paucity of punctuations are besides the point (or may be the reason for the dilemma), I am not really able to make up my mind what it is trying to convey:
a) Gender neutrality is a luxury.
b) IT owes its gender neutrality ( even while the rest of the article shrieks about even IT not having enough women ) to the fact that it being a relatively new industry, helps it "concede" that women may in fact also be "tough aggresive and decisive".
c) The problem is somehow, more that concepts of competency and leadership are associated with traits such as "tough, aggressive and decisive" and less that they are infact "sterotypically male" .

While most women in IT, she observes, are at "entry-level" jobs, there is a "definitive trend" that they "can" become global leaders because IT jobs demand " for employees to work across countries and cultures and reach out to people across continents. " What about world peace?? This is the kind of writing (BS,if I may) I subscribe to when my answer to a question that demands a 500 word answer ends in about 50 and I need to fill up the space provided.

I gather the courage to read on. The next paragraph starts off promisingly with the question " So can women in IT make good global leaders and what is holding them back?" and I go "phew! May be she will redeem herself." But Alas! that was not to be. Ravichander is of the opinion that "Leadership is an inborn trait in women, whether they lead global teams across ponds or manage households discreetly by always ensuring that every member of the family or team is well nurtured and attended to. It is a quality that is fairly unique, yet very much a part of the DNA of a woman."

While I don't quite understand why someone would want to lead a "global team" across a "pond", it could be some IT jargon that I am unaware of. However, "inborn traits" such as "leadership" don't seem to ensure that every family in the world with a woman in it is well nurtured and I am not really sure how many times the household management is discreet or that every member is "attended to". A quality so "unique", a little less than half the world's population has it as "part of its DNA". ( why oh why can people not stop this abusive use of the concept of the DNA?!!) Is she also not putting in question the ability/involvement of a man as a caregiver or/and "discreet manager" of his household ?

She goes on to talk about the work culture in IT that leaves no minute unconnected and demands a "24/7 online-culture" of employees. How is the woman supposed to take care or her family and work? The solution according her is that " Both men and women need to join hands" and "look closely at our current management practices around meetings, deliverables, timings, work styles, success metrics, performance evaluation criteria and decide how we can change some of these practices across the organisation that would cater to needs of a gender diverse population collectively. "

Why is it a work-home balance struggle only for the woman? Not once does she consider suggesting that men share or should share the responsibility of the household. While evaluation of general work culture will help no doubt, how much impetus is going to come from a consumer-driven industry if it affects deliverables and time lines? How much good are sweeping statements in the vein of "re-evaluate work culture" going to do?

Like I said in the beginning, the way it was written and the fact that,despite the style and content, it got published was a big disappointment. Successful women like Padma Ravichander should be able ,in the least, to not consider themselves "pin-up girls". It is most unfortunate that she should give an impression that

a) A happy family and a successful career are involved in a trade-off
b) The happiness of a family is solely the woman's responsibility
c) There is no part or involvement of the husband in the success of a woman's career.
d) Men in industry need to be understanding to their women colleagues because these poor women do not get the support from the very same men in their roles as husbands.

Maybe the next time they will find someone better to ghost-write ( yes I am the optimist and still want to believe she doesn't really think this way.) the article for her and definitely someone better to edit it.

As a side thought, I wonder if IT big shots hire publicists and if this is in fact the light in which she wants to be seen by the "global" market, because otherwise, that is one more job that needs to be filled in by someone new :)

Himmat karne waalon ki haar nahin hoti

2007-03-02T09:37:00.000+05:30

In all this discussion about different languages, I have neglected the one kind of poetry that I grew up reading. There is something very different about hindi poetry and somehow inspirational thoughts always come out sounding most emphatic in hindi. Of course, rhyme and meter are two very important aspects and to me, hindi free verse, is a little lame :)
So to me, while urdu is the language to fall in love in, Hindi is the language to get out of the dumps, to feel determined to achieve and such like happy thoughts. Not that hindi poetry in other genres is not good, just that hindi poetry of this genre makes sense most in hindi (again a cultural thing I am guessing :))

Anyway, the point to that rather lame introduction was to write about this awesome poem that I first had to memorise for a poetry recitation competition in Class 2. It is one poem I remember to this day. I am not exactly sure who the poet is. Two not-so-different versions exist with one being credited to Suryakant Tripathi 'Nirala' and the other to Harivansh Rai Bachchan. My version may in fact be a mixture of both but this is the most popular version of the poem.
So here it is (trumpets blaring with celebratory drum roll.....)

P.S. I tried a translation but it was so eeyeeeeeeeww that i couldn't bear to put it up :)
I am just going to take the safe route for now and put up meanings of words instead .
But, the himmat is on and some day when I do succeed, the translation will be up!

lehron se dar kar nauka paar nahi hoti
himmat karne walon ki haar nahi hoti

(lehron=waves, dar=fear, nauka= boat, paar=cross, nahi= not,
himmat karne waale= courageous people, haar= defeat)

nanhi chinti jab dana lekar chalti hai
chadti deewaron par sau baar fisalti hai
mann ka vishwas ragon mein sahas banta hai
chad kar girna, gir kar chadna na akharta hai
akhir uski mehnat bekar nahi hoti
koshish karne waalon ki haar nahi hoti....

(nanhi chinti = small ant, dana=grain, chalti = walks, chadti deewar = climbs the wall, sau baar= hundered times, fisalti= slips,
mann ka vishwas= belief / determination, ragon = veins/ nerves, sahas= bravery/courage, banta= becomes, girna= fall, akharta= discourage,
akhir= finally, mehnat= hard work, bekar= useless,
koshish= attempt)

dubkiyan sindu mein gota khor lagaata hai
ja ja kar khali haath laut aata hai
milte na sehej hi moti pani mein
behta duna utsah issi heiraani mein
mutthi uski khali har baar nahi hoti
himmat karne walon ki haar nahi hoti....

(dubkiyan = dive, sindu = indus river, gota khor= person looking for pearls, khaali haath= empty handed, laut = return,
milte = get, sehaj = easily, moti= pearls, pani = water, behta = flows, duna= twice over/ double, utsah= enthusiasm ,
mutthi= fist, uski= his, khaali = empty, har baar= everytime)

asaflta ek chunati hai sweekar karo
kya kami reh gayi dekho aur sudhaar karo
jab tak na safal ho neend chain ki tyago tum
sangharshon ka maidaan chhod mat bhago tum
kuch kiye bina hi jai jai kaar nahi hoti
himmat karne walon ki haar nahi hoti....

Failure is a challenge, accept it,
See what went wrong and improve on it,
Don't rest till you succeed,
Don't give up your efforts,
Praise doesn't come free,
Courageous people never fail.

One Trick Pony

2007-02-22T09:11:00.001+05:30

iPods or other devices that let you store so many songs that you can't remember how many , shuffle and play them at random are terrific inventions :) Let me hasten to make my point, lest I start sounding like an iPod peddler. I had forgotten I had this song on the iPod and was pleasantly surprised when it started to play. It also brought back thoughts from when I first heard it and how much sense the words made then.

A lot of things decide who we are, where we think we are going , the choices we make. A great many other things have secondary influence in terms of how they bias our thinking and prepare us for the decisions we ultimately make. Something we heard, something we thought up or something we read. To me this song has been a secondary influence at different points for the past 5 or so years, since I first heard it.

I like his description of the one trick pony and the wistfulness with which he describes his own complicated style of dealing with seemingly mundane things. The last two lines sum up, to me, why sometimes when I am tearing my hair out and wondering why I voluntarily introduce complications in my life, this little guy in my head starts singing this very song.

One Trick Pony

He's a one trick pony
One trick is all that horse can do
He does one trick only
It's the principal source of his revenue
And when he steps into the spotlight
You can feel the heat of his heart
Come rising through

See how he dances
See how he loops from side to side
See how he prances
The way his hooves just seem to glide
He's just a one trick pony (that's all he is)
But he turns that trick with pride

He makes it look so easy
He looks so clean
He moves like God's
Immaculate machine
He makes me think about
All of these extra movements I make
And all of this herky-jerky motion
And the bag of tricks it takes
To get me through my working day
One-trick pony

He's a one trick pony
He either fails or he succeeds
He gives his testimony
Then he relaxes in the weeds
He's got one trick to last a lifetime
But that's all a pony needs

--Paul Simon

Of the mystics....

2007-02-18T14:02:00.000+05:30

Zaahid sharaab peene de masjid mein baith kar
Ya woh jagah bata de jahan par Khuda na ho

(Let me drink alcohol in the mosque/ place of worship, or show me one place where God does not exist.)

The Sufi movement came to India from the middle east at a time when the bhakti movement also became prevalent among Hindus in India. Huge parallels can be drawn among both movements in their ideologies, in talking of God as the unmanifest energy that is universal, the yearning of the mortal soul (atman) for union with this eternal , omnipresent God (paramatman) and the use of analogies of separated lovers to highlight the relationship between the atman and the paramatman. Both movements emphasised that love alone was the path to salvation.

Legacy these movements have left are the two forms of classical music we have in India today.Besides the basic structures and technicalities these art forms follow, the biggest contribution of the mystic movements has been that of lyric. The sher at the beginning of this post, is by Mirza Ghalib ( credited elsewhere to Daagh Dehelvi, so I am not really sure) and sums concisely the philosophy even as it highlights the influence the philosophy had on generations hence.

The lyrics and the vein in which a bhajan or a sufi qawwali, ghazal or nazm is performed, are marked with a deep love. A love that transports the lover to a plane that has only them and their love (God). A love so extreme, it abandons all wordly concerns.An abandon that brings with it such joy that life becomes a celebration.This celebration is evident in bhajans by Meera, Kabir and many others as well as qawwalis by various Sufi saints.

This posts highlights a qawwali by Amir Khusrau which is, IMHO, very representative of this genre. And yes, you still have to endure my , no better than before, translations :)

Chhap tilak sab cheeni ray mosay naina milaikay

You have snatched my beauty and my identity,
with merely a look

Prem bhatee ka madhva pilaikay
Matvali kar leeni ray mosay naina milaikay

You intoxicate me with the nectar of love
even as I lose myself, in merely a look

Gori gori bayyan, hari hari churiyan
Bayyan pakar dhar leeni ray mosay naina milaikay

My fair hands and green bangles are,
as if, held bound by merely a look

Bal bal jaaon mein toray rang rajwa
Apni see kar leeni ray mosay naina milaikay

I give my life for you, Oh colorful one,
even as you dye me in your color, with merely a look

Khusrau Nijaam kay bal bal jayyiye
Mohay Suhaagan keeni ray mosay naina milaikay

Khusrau gives his life for the Nijam*
even as you wed me, with merely a look

(*) Khusrau's devotion to his spiritual guru, the great Nizam-ud-din auliya , a sufi saint, often surfaces in his works , with the latter being refered to as "nijam", like in the one above.

Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi......

2007-02-14T04:19:00.000+05:30

Nostalgia is a strange thing. One thought, and the brain immediately re-connects every node in the network and with this emerging network emerges every feeling that you associated with that thought, person, incident.

In the emergence of one such nostalgic network in my head, a few days back, emerged as a node, this poem by Mirza Ghalib . The first half-line having been popularised by a movie that came out two years back and became immensely popular with anyone who wanted to prove they can watch and enjoy meaningful Indian cinema ( despite bollywood) :)

Ghalib's is regarded as one of the most intricate styles in urdu poetry. In something akin to Blake's Tiger, there is a new (possibly deeper) interpretation on every successive reading. What makes it more interesting is how short a sher (couplet) is and how much he manages to pack in. This makes any literal translation, most inadequate and sometimes rather morbid, as will be evident from the lines below!

Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi is a ghazal. There are rules to the composition of a ghazal but most importantly, it is made up purely of shers. All shers follow one meter, called beher. The last words of the second line of each sher are the same , this is called radif and the essential rhyme that words before the radif must have and is called kaafiya. With that very techinical, and possibly unnecessary description, here's one of the best Ghazals of all time!

Here the radif is simply the word 'nikle' and its easy to see how the kaafiya is maintained with words kam, dam, ham, jam, sitam etc.So here it is, most of it atleast. As usual, it comes with a crude line by line translation, in blank verse ( nostalgic marker no. 2!! sigh , oh well!) Also, comes with commentary on my favorite lines.

The opening sher is my favorite in the whole ghazal. Manages to kindle every nostalgia network that has a marker for something unfulfilled. I don't know about you, gentle reader, but that tends to clutter my head with way too many networks. ( we are greedy like this only!)
The fourth sher here is next in line of my favorites. Much literature exists, in every language known to man, on this dichotomy that love seems to present. Here it is as pithy as it gets :)

1. hazaaroN KHwahishaiN 'eisee ke har KHwahish pe dam nikle
bohot nikle mere armaaN lekin fir bhee kam nikle

A thousand desires, each seeming to take a lifetime to realise.
Try as I might, they don't seem to want to become real . ( like I said, my translation sucks!)

2. nikalna KHuld se aadam ka sunte aayaiN haiN lekin
bohot be_aabru hokar tere kooche se ham nikle

I had heard of Adam being ousted from paradise (khuld),
I find my way out of your street, in big (ger) disgrace.

3. huee jinse tavaqqo KHastagee kee daad paane kee
wo hamse bhee ziyaada KHasta-e-teGH-e-sitam nikle

He, from whom I expect justice for such weakness,
is more injured by the sword of sorrow than I.

4. mohabbat meiN naheeN hai farq jeene aur marne kaa
usee ko dekh kar jeete haiN jis kaafir pe dam nikle

In love, there isn't a difference between living and dying,
I draw life from looking at the traitor I die for.

5. zara kar jor seene par ki teer-e-pursitam nikle
jo wo nikle to dil nikle, jo dil nikle to dam nikle

Try hard to get this arrow of sorrow out of my heart,
It will come out taking my heart with it, my heart will take my life with it.

6. KHuda ke waaste parda na kaabe se uThaa zaalim
kaheeN 'eisa na ho yaaN bhee wohee kaafir sanam nikle

For God's sake, don't remove the veil off of the Kaaba ( religious stone representative of God in Islam)
What if my deceitful lover hides behind it?
( Also representative of a ston hearted lover perhaps!)

A great rendition of the ghazal by Shubha Mudgal can be heard here .

Suttum Vizhi Sudar, Bharatiyar and love.

2007-02-11T02:30:00.000+05:30

Like most Indian languages, Tamil too lends itself beautifully to metaphors that give vernacular Indian poetry that ethereal quality. Not that I am an expert on vernacular languages, poetry of any kind or English but IMHO some very profound expressions come out sounding much better in the vernacular. But then it could be because my mother tongue ( so to speak ) is not English.

Bharathiyar's style has always fascinated me. It is simplistic, so even tamil duds like me can, not only understand but fully appreciate it, even while being filled with the most beautiful of metaphors ( now cliched , thanks to unimaginative tamil movie lyricists) . What sets it apart, however, is the consistent passion and optimism. While known most for his patriotic poems, I think his poems on social issues ( such as manathil urudhi vendum ) and the ones on various Hindu gods and God in general (ettanai kodi inbam) are really well done. Of all kinds, however, I like his love poems the best . ( I can see all the eye rolls so cut it :) )

This post chooses to elaborate on one of my two favorites, Suttum vizhi Sudar, the other one being Chinnanjiru kiliye. Kannamma is a recurrent theme in these poems, sometimes lover, sometimes child, sometimes companion.

This poem illustrates passion so unabashedly, it makes one want to fall that much in love with someone. I was of the thought that Indian culture and how it conditions us, keeps us from expressing fully how we feel about someone. While we have no issues expressing feelings of hatred we almost never vocalise or even accept to ourselves how much we love someone. I have found, half way around the world, that this seems true in America too.
What keeps us from expressing that passion? Are we afraid? Conditioned ? or simply incapable?

Analysis apart, here's a crude line to line translation of the poem. I just wish my poetry skills were a little better , to do a little justice to , what according to me is one of the greatest love poems ever. ( yeah, better than neruda even :))

Suttum vizhi sudar than Kannamma
Suriye chandiraro?
Vattakkariye vizhi - Kannamma!
Vanakkarumai kollo?

Your gaze has the brightness of the sun and moon
Your eyes reflect (*) the darkness of the skies

Pattu karuneela - pudavai
Padhittha nalviram
Natta nadunisiyil - Therium
Natchathirangalladi!

The diamonds on your dark silk saree,
show me the stars in broad daylight. (*)

Solai malaroliyo -Unathu
Sundarapunnagai than?
Neela kadalalaiye - Unathu
Nenjin alaigaladi !
Kolak kuyil oosai - Unathu
Kuralin inimaiyadi!
Valai kumariyadi - Kannamma
Maruvak kadhal kondain.

Your smile is the bloom of the garden,
Your heart, the waves of the sea,
Your voice , sweet like the koel's
My love longs for union, Kannamma

Sathiram pesugirai - Kannamma
Sathiram yedhukkadi?
Athiram kondavarke - Kannamma
Sathiram undodi!

You talk of Rules, Kannamma
What rules do paramours (*) follow?

Moothavar sammadhiyil - Vadhuvai
Muraigal pinbhu saivom
Kathiruppenodi! - Ithupar

Elders , marriage and rituals can wait,
Can I ? Come now,

Kannatthu muttham ondru!

Let me kiss you.

(*) changed after expert opinion although the expert disagrees with the translation to paramour, and thinks it should have been rational people , reflecting on Bharatiyar's call for rage/ anger/ passion in almost all his poems. Anger / Rage in the positive sense of bringing about change and opposing meaningless traditions , superstitious beliefs and of course, oppression.

I am what I am!

2006-03-16T04:58:00.000+05:30

I am sitting here in my office....very irritated because a program I left running last night is STILL running and that kinda upsets my "schedule" for today ( Well, the secret glee I feel at being able to waste some time and having a valid excuse for it, is of course, off the record). So I sit here trying to think of a way to kill time.... check mail.... done that, go on this online community website and leave a bunch of messages to equally jobless people......done that too and then I am sitting there staring at google's search page when I suddenly realise, thats all I do!! All day long , I check mail or I check my scrapbook. Oh don't get me wrong..... its not like I am overly popular and people send me mail or scrap me every 5 minutes....I just check...;) Well, so on this particular day, feeling a little more pretentious than usual I opened the blog and realised I hadn't posted in 3 months!!!! hmmmm.....why would that be now? Surely not because I had nothing to write about and surely not because I am lazy ( oh well, we'll let THAT one pass for now) just maybe I am looking for stuff to write that makes me look a little less foolish..:)

But I am foolish and I am proud of it ( That was surely not water! Note to self: Never trust a room full of americans with smirks on their faces when you asked for water) Oh well, with that water inspired declaration made, this blog shall hereby cease to be pretentious or pseudo intellectual.......... it shall just be what it is best at being.....:)(Stupid is really the word....if you let your imagination run to meaner territories...bring it back...NOW!!)

55 is too less!!

2005-11-11T00:14:00.000+05:30

"Red or green? "
"I don't know."
"Is he particular about it though?"
"I don't know."
"Will he wear stuff 'cos you bought it for him?"
"I guess."
"Is he smart?"
"I think so."
"Is he funny?"
"maybe."
"is he genuine?"
"appears to be, until now."
"What DO you know?"
"I have a lifetime to find out!"

Thanks to nirup who tagged me for the 55 word post thingy and another friend,who gave me news of her engagement thus bringing back the memories of the Mrs.Ramachandrans of my life. :)

Dream on

2005-10-28T00:00:00.000+05:30

Dream on, dream on, dream on
Dream until your dreams come true

The radio blared as I tried getting some work done
at the lab before distractions like classes,
homework assignments and exams started to catch up
with me and.....well, distract me!!
This is the fifth time I am repeating this experiment
and something tells me I am not going to get it right
this time either!!

The cosmos has a way of sending the most apt messages
in the wierdest way. It sends you messages that you want
to hear. Messages that help you pick up what you dropped
b'cos you were really dejected!

Has it happened to you? It happens a lot to me!
radio songs, one line sayings,TV shows....or just a highly
unlikely conversation!

Maybe it is some higher power at work or maybe its just my
subconscious mind interpreting otherwise useless information
in a way that will calm by concious mind!! I don't know!
All I know is that it feels damn good !!!

So ya I am going to continue to ....DREAM ON!!!

Miles to go before I sleep

2005-10-17T00:34:00.000+05:30

how do you react when you feel inadequate or under qualified? When more effort than you have ever imagined you are capable of, doesn't get you results that are even half as satisfactory! What am I doing wrong you ask?
Its a crushing thought, the thought of having to accept mediocracy. But just when it seems like a long dark tunnel, wisdom shines in four bright lines......

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Life may not have prepared you for this in terms of knowledge to deal with it. But life has given you emotional strength to look at things calmly, the will to work harder and smarter, the intellect to analyse what's going wrong, the good fortune of having people around that are ready to help.

Life continues to give hope and on that hope one must walk....to the last mile!

Living on a prayer?

2005-10-07T09:02:00.000+05:30

The phoenix rises yet again, well lets just say nothing pushed me enough out of my sloth-phase until now. A conversation with a friend about inter religious marriage threw back at me some fundamental questions about faith. So why do we believe? and what do we believe in? Does going to a place of worship every now and then make one a believer? Conversely, if one doesn't feel the need to visit a place of worship, does that make him/her a non-believer?

To me, faith is the most personal thing in one's life. It is the source of one's self confidence and hope, whichever way you look at it. It is, as my friend pointed out, a way that helps you discipline yourself. So if in the tenets of your religion (or outside of it), you find a way that gives you all this but is different from how other people look at it, why should you be wrong? Most people are tolerant of people from other religions, aren't they? Then why is it difficult to accept that one's own religion may be interpreted differently by different people?

Another fundamental question arose when the friend in question carried the discussion forward stating that if I got married to someone from outside my religion I will have to choose what religion I want my kids to believe in. I don't see why I need to make a choice. If I married outside my religion, do I suddenyl acquire a new belief system? Does my old belief system cease to exist? How can I pass on or expect my husband to pass on to our kids, belief systems that are alien to us or ones we have just begun to understand? Then again what is wrong in passing on both belief systems ( these could be traditional,personal or both) and letting the kid make her/his own decision? This brings me back to the first question in this circle of faith (so to speak!)-- how many people really think about why they believe? How many proactively make decisions?

All You who Sleep Tonight

2005-08-05T18:03:00.000+05:30

Its been a long time since I posted anything new. In the beginning, it was just that I didn't seem to have much to say. As time went by, I started plotting my comeback post (which only turned out to be a mild diversion because I soon realised that I still had nothing to say).
Slowly, laziness (my best friend) made itself comfortable, until today, when I chanced upon one of my all time favorite poems and sat wondering why I hadn't written about it yet. So bye bye laziness and here goes.

Short poems are always a delight. Specially ones that seem to convey so much in so less. Seth is a favorite with me and so is this one:

All You who Sleep Tonight

All you who sleep tonight
Far from the ones you love,
No hand to left or right
And emptiness above -

Know that you aren't alone
The whole world shares your tears,
Some for two nights or one,
And some for all their years.

-- Vikram Seth

Loneliness is, to me, the scariest thought. Indian society and culture never quite prepare one for loneliness in its true sense. Well the next question , of course is, does western society? I don't know too much about western society or culture, but of course its also rather naive to use one term to describe all the cultures that exist west of india..:)

Then there's the other thing.Are you lonely if you are alone? How many people explore alone-ness? Its interesting to note how, to many people, being alone is synonymous with being lonely!

my favorite grook

2005-07-12T21:49:00.000+05:30

For this post I have chosen a grook..........that's what Piet Hien calls his poems. You will know why a grrok is so likeable when you read this one.

A Psychological Tip

Whenever you're called on to make up your mind,
and you're hampered by not having any,
the best way to solve the dilemma, you'll find,
is simply by spinning a penny.

No - not so that chance shall decide the affair
while you're passively standing there moping;
but the moment the penny is up in the air,
you suddenly know what you're hoping

A lot of times, specially right out of the teens, one is faced with the need to make decisions and take responsibility for them. The predicament is often augmented by one's confused self image, what seems the smart thing to do and what one's value system defines as the right thing to do. The bravado and "maturity" vanish when often on the toss of one such coin one finds oneself wishing for something that is "wrong".

So wat makes a conformist conform and a non- conformist rebel? Aren't they both , in fact lying to themselves and to other around them?

How tall are you?

2005-07-01T01:47:00.000+05:30

I rushed in, ran to my room and changed. In precisely 120 seconds I was out of my room, picking up a piece of bread laid out on the table for me and stuffing it in my mouth. Grabbing my bag, I made my way to the door screaming my goodbyes to my family, by now used to this drill.

Even as I put one foot out, doing a final mental check of all that i needed to take, Mrs.Ramachandran (sitting on the sofa all the while, as I now noticed) asked me that question: "How tall are you?"

Well if you are wondering why a simple four word query should have me so agitated- I have had that one thrown at me quite often nowadays but not quite when I am running to make it on time for class. No I am not one of those eight-footer hulks you would see on primetime guiness book of records, ladies and gentlemen, I am 22 years old. In the prying eyes of the Mrs.Ramachandrans of the world I would be the perfect match for their husband's sister's sister-in-law's best friend's grandson who is "MS-from-US" and a "very nice boy".

"How tall are you?" , therefore, is not a question.It is simply a statement Mrs.Ramachandran uses to let me know that she thinks I should get married soon.

So back to the scene at hand, I managed to pretend that I hadn't heard that and ran for dear life. Dear life , however, wasn't in a very charitable mood that day and Mrs.Ramachandran was still around when I returned two hours later. As soon as she saw me she started that cooing that was very uncharecteristic of her but which had ceased to surprise me for some time now. I realised it was one of those things that followed the ominous four word declaration she had made earlier. While she proceeded to make me feel at home, in my own house I might add, I decided to give up and give in. (Not to marriage silly, to listen to her.)

Even as we made inane conversation,I could feel the insides of her brain twisting with the effort of trying to come up with a hyphenated description for me. Soon she proceeded to tell me how smart she thought I was. I mean " Managing so many things together so well! Girls nowadays are so smart". While I looked helplessly around for some kind of support my treacherous family sat there smirking and enjoying the "fun". She then proceeded to tell me how an early marriage was the right thing to do and how beyond 25 I would lose my "charm".

The icing on the cake came with not one , not two but three cherries. With the look Hitler would have had had he won World War II, she finally revealed the "nice boys" she had in mind. Two brothers and their cousin. All looking to marry. All in some business in bombay (she wouldn't have known or cared if they were mafia), owned 2 flats in Hiranandani and five others in bombay and two huge bungalows in pune.
Since I was the smart-modern-yet-homely-girl (I am guessing thats how she would describe me) I could take my pick.

I did something next that blew all my chances of ever finding my hyphenated life partner.....in a four word reply I said " How 'bout all three?"

Ode to the nice guy

2005-06-27T11:58:00.000+05:30

This is something a friend sent me after we had this whole conversation about someone I described as a "nice" guy. She had this wry smile on her face and told me she will send me this write up. She kept her promise and here it is. I think it is a very well written piece and though humorous,drives home the point quite well..:)

http://www.stwing.upenn.edu/~jenf/writing/rant04.html

(I am not sure if I can reproduce it here because its from a journal)

There are female equivalents of nice guys too. The type who constantly get described as "oh she is a guy" or "you should have been born a guy!!" and though at different levels, these nice girls go through about the same as the nice guys! What say?

Separation

2005-06-20T15:31:00.000+05:30

'Separation'

Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.

-- W.S. Merwin

A poem which I read somewhere and a poem that caused me to look up everything else by the poet. But more importantly, a poem that caught me unawares. A poem that talks positively of separation. A poem that doesn't sensationalise the point at which a relationship between two people changes because there is a distance between them.

To me it is positive because it acknowledges that every interaction adds color to one's life. Every relationship teaches you how not to behave..:)

I love the use of words in this one. While it puts across that the separation has been hard (" gone through me") it recovers immediately with everything i do is stiched with its color. All of us have friends that we have parted ways with, physically or emotionally. There are some that make such lasting impacts that meeting them after a gap of 5,10 or 20 years making little or no difference to the comfort levels you feel with them. There is this zone that belongs only to the two of you and remains guarded.....for life.

Which brings me to something I had a conversation about with a friend yesterday. Is it possible to love somebody without expecting anything in return? Lets stick to platonic relationships only. Why is it important that if you think someone is a very dear friend, that someone should feel the same way about you? Isn't it enough how much happiness you are getting by simply liking that someone that much?

That was our line of discussion and I have no answers. But I have found that the people I believe are good friends are all friends made with little or no expectations. But then of course, the definition of an expectation might have been very different when we did become friends. I don't know!

P.S. One interesting thing about Merwin is that his translations of Neruda are really good. This poem isn't such a wonder any more is it??

The Infinity of Calculus!

2005-06-14T23:01:00.000+05:30

Like most not-so-bright-at-maths kids, my school years were plagued constantly by "just-passed" marks in Maths. Just when I was getting used to it, Calculus happened!!! The little self confidence I had managed to salvage out of the wreck of my Class 10 board exams got buried right at the bottom in class 11 with wonderful calculus making a grand entry.

I always felt really dumb around people who were smart enough to pretend that they understood what was happening in class..:) But recently something happened that revived my calculus confidence. All those curses hurled at poor Newton hadn't gone in vein after all. The incident I am referring to is an interview conducted in my father's office while I happened to be there.

On one of those days when my father was consumed, almost wholly, by the pangs of jealousy he felt when he saw me sprawled on the sofa in front of the TV, he ordered me to get ready fast and come to the office with him. There was an interview and my job was to co-ordinate the whole thing(read do the peon's job of calling the next interviewee)

Anyways, so in came Mr.X ( for the sake of anonimity ), a fresher from ABC Engineering College ( for the sake of saving ABC from terrible embarassment). After the usual formalities and showing off his certificate of distinction he sat down. The rest of the interview lasted for about 2 mins and went something like this:

Dad :(smiling reassuringly at X, who was looking very worried) What is the integral of 1/x.

Mr.X : (takes a second to think ,looks up, a triumphant smile wiping away all the worry lines, and announces) INFINITY

Me :(looking intently at Dad to see if he gets the someone-is-dumber-that-my-daughter-at-this relief look on his face)

Dad : (trying hard to not fall off his chair but regaining his composure just in time ) Can you explain how you get that?

Said Mr.X, hardly able to contain his excitement: Sir, the integral of x to the power n is x to the power n+1 divided by n+1. 1/x means x to the power -1, so by the rule the integral has a 0 in the denominator and so the answer is INFINITY!!!

BEAT THAT NEWTON!

Wannabe Somebody

2005-06-08T17:06:00.000+05:30

Emily Dickinson puts it rather well when she says:

I'm Nobody! Who are you?
Are you--Nobody--Too?
Then there's a pair of us?
Don't tell! they'd advertise--you know!

How dreary--to be--Somebody!
How public--like a Frog--
To tell one's name--the livelong June--
To an admiring Bog!
The real world expects all of us to be "somebodys" or atleast state an ambition to that effect. Why is there this need for recognition? Is it because we are not comfortable with ourselves? If we are indeed comfortable then why this need for outside endorsement?

Of course, all this applies to talented people. What of the untalented? Why are they under the constant pressure of having to prove one talent or the other? Can't someone be plain untalented? Why can we never accept these things?

Then of course there are people who are comfortable with being nobodys and the wannabe somebody world calls them LAZY!!!

Said the queen of HEARTS- "Off with his HEAD" !!!

2005-05-28T12:59:00.000+05:30

No this isn't a post about my love for that wonderful book! I am back at doing what i do best-asking silly questions!!

Well this one's about What rules a decision- the head or the heart?

To begin with, what is the definition of "head" and "heart" here?Is it about emotions? Popular notion has it that a "head" type decision maker is the practical kind and of course the "heart" type decision maker goes by what "feels" is right as opposed to how practical a decision it may be.

Arguably, we fall in either category depending on the decision itself.But in general people lean to one side or the other for most of their decisions. Any decision is difficult but don't heart decisions tend to be a little less thought out and impulsive? May be more room for regret in the future?

Being a very head type decision maker I have often found it very difficult to identify with heart type decisions!! Sometimes the lack of logic is so striking its almost as if the decision was made hoping for a miracle! Decisions colored by unrealistic optimism are as obvious to people who make them as they are to on lookers. So what makes people go ahead and make those decisions anyways? Does emotion kill the rationale of the thinking brain? Does it take one further away from reason,logic and indeed reality?

Footprints on my sand

2005-05-24T12:37:00.000+05:30

The other day,I was listening to one of my favorite songs "Kaneerae Kaneerae" from the movie Uyire for the nth time. This time , however, was a little different because I paid attention to the lyrics . To cut a long story short, there are two lines in the second paragraph :

unnoadu naan kanda bandham
mannoadu mazhai konda sondham
kaayndhaalum adi eeram enjum

( This bond I have with you is like that of rain and the earth, the dampness beneath never dries)

Very simply put but these words kindle so many emotions! At once, one remembers all those friends that one has left behind or with whom one has lost touch and starts feeling thankful for the friends one has now!!

I know its beginning to sound like one of those forwards which tells you , you must call that friend 'cos tomorrow s/he may be dead!! So i will stop here before it gets more sugary.

But to everybody...thanks..:)

I'm cool

2005-05-17T15:35:00.000+05:30

Having indulged my over active creative urges, the past week was spent recovering from its aftermath..:) Well, since the "she" in question is quite out of the way, atleast for now, I am at peace now.

A conversation with a friend a few days back brought to me this observation.Let me try and put it as lucidly as my clear head (pun unintended) allows me to:

Notice how in a really thick friendship between a guy and a girl,to the girl, the guy is a friend first and then a guy whereas to the guy, the girl, no matter how good a friend, is a girl first...........always. In fact, sometimes I have felt that from the guy's point of view the friendship itself is based on the one strong basis of her gender.

I have found this to be true in the many friendships I have had and the others that I have observed.Guys seem to be more at ease talking about their "soft" side with girls. It is ok for them to tell a girl how bad they are feeling about something or to cry to her when they are heart broken. Though all guys realise they they have this side and also recognise the need to talk about it , they don't do so with each other.
Why? Why is it so important for a guy to maintain the "I'm cool" image in front of other guys? What is it about a girl that brings these defences down?

Is it that she listens? But guys listen too. Is it that she is caring? Then again, guys can be equally if not more caring. Is it that she provides solutions? This definitely can't be the case because most often a girl would just listen and be sympathetic and not provide any inputs by way of solution. Then What?????

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO CALL THIS ONE WITHOUT GETTING MY ASS KICKED!!!!

2005-05-12T23:48:00.000+05:30

Notice how the best creative activity happens when you least expect it. Well it happened to me today.....just now in fact. I was chatting with a friend on yahoo.....something i don't do often....i mean chatting on yahoo not chatting itself..:d. I noticed how cute the emoticons were and just like that I was inspired to write this narrative about my friend's happenning life......If you are patient enough.......copy it,paste it on a yahoo messenger conversation window and press enter and read it.....'cos without that its like a story by a 7 year old who just discovered that girls and boys are different beings..:D.( i dont want ppl telling me that's how it is even now...'cos a lot of effort and creative energy went into this thing!!!)

Ok I shall contain my excitement and unveil the piece of art.....here goes.....

P.S. Stick it one line at a time ...it works better then
P.S. 2 If you have no one online on yahoo to send it to......open a window and send it to yourself....that way you can read it twice....:D ( ok i am totally losing it!!!)

( * names changed to preserve anonimity)

(:| i get so tired when she* calls herself aO:-). Often i get :-& when she( its the same she throughout) goes on about it. But do u know, nowadays :x??!! of course i am X-( that she hasnt told me abt it but then i love to :-? abt her love life.

i am sure one day she'll drop the bomb and i will be like :-O..........him* :-/ ?? he(same he throughout too) is such a L-)!!!!! but tis ok if u like him ...i mean ur happiness is important ;;)...........and she will be like :">........full :x wat to do?????

and then she will be all B-) with the boyfriend and forget me.......and i'll be =((......(in front of her) actually i will be like #:-S

now its time for all of you to =D>....c'mon wasn't that a =)) story???but :-$ dont tell her ok 'cos i am really :-SS.i am a real >:) aint i? muahahahaha :d

sonnet CXXX

2005-05-10T03:16:00.000+05:30

While some people are going to roll their eyes when they see this..........I cant help it......I am the incurable romantic..:)

My Mistress' Eyes are Nothing Like the Sun

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red:
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.

I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.

I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound.
I grant I never saw a goddess go:
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground.

And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

One of my favorite sonnets by the bard, the other being sonnet 143.I love this one for how aptly it captures how normal people feel about love. So is anyone perfect? and how many people are lucky enough (?) to find a perfect lover? then again, isnt perfection in itself subjective?
A friend once told me a story about a boy who wanted to marry this girl. The girl's father agrees to the match upon the condition that the boy find the tallest tree in the forest near the village. The boy having gone in comes upon the a really tall tree but goes on further to find a taller one. After a few days he is still in the forest, having lost his way, and still looking for the tallest tree.
So what makes two people commit to a relationship? The belief that they have found the tallest tree? or that this is the first tall tree they saw? What happens to people like the boy in the story? do they ever find their tall tree?

Revival

2005-05-06T02:27:00.000+05:30

This post comes after three months of laziness...:) but I figured that,when mr.inspiration himself has decided to reconsider his decision to stop blogging,I should save my blog from dying, for what its worth.

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For Hope

Was watching a movie on Hallmark yesterday (they show some good stuff) in which the main character is dying and the family is rallying around in typical american style...all the lost love and time being made up for and stuff. They are all being cheerful "for her" when one character says something about "optimism spilling over to denial". That is what triggered off this post.

Optimism and denial- where do we draw the line?

To me they form a continuum from one end rooted in reality to another where reality fades away slowly. Optimism is healthy only until one is in touch with reality. So why does denial happen? Often we find that denial is more comforting than reality. Of course, it shields us from the "harsh" reality, to use a cliche. However, isnt it only a temporary solution? Denial just stuffs all the difficult emotions into this bag at the bottom of memory and this bag keeps growing with every uneasy memory.
So if there comes one day when the bag cant take any more where do we go?
This brings me to one more question which has been doing the rounds in my thought process for sometime now. Why do we not want to face "sad" feelings? We have been so conditioned to believe that one set of feelings are good and happy so anything that does not fulfill in this definition is the opposite...Well so be it. So why are unhappy emotions termed bad? Will denial happen if we accepted that both are happy and sad are part of the deal?

The other face of denial is hope.
"Hope holds up the world" goes a very old and oft-quoted hindi idiom. Here again, isnt hoping for the impossible also a form of denial?

Well this post is far from complete but I find myself rather inarticualte and rusty at this point in time. Hopefully the following posts will better put out what I am trying to say. (yes m. that means I have intentions of continuing this thing..:))

Are you in love?

2005-01-19T14:41:00.000+05:30

In bangalore,not upto too much right now! An enquiry about my blog address this morning reminded me that i hadn't posted anything in a long time...........so here goes.
For this post I have chosen the first in a long list of favorites......

If you were coming in the fall

If you were coming in the fall,
I'd brush the summer by
With half a smile and half a spurn,
As housewives do a fly.
If I could see you in a year,
I'd wind the months in balls,
And put them each in separate drawers,
Until their time befalls.
If only centuries delayed,
I'd count them on my hand,
Subtracting till my fingers dropped
Into Van Diemen's land.
If certain, when this life was out,
That yours and mine should be,
I'd toss it yonder like a rind,
And taste eternity.
But now, all ignorant of the length
Of time's uncertain wing,
It goads me, like the goblin bee,
That will not state its sting.
-- Emily Dickinson.

In one of her most straightforward poems,Dickinson brings out,very beautifully the angst of separation and in classic dickinson style this one can be interpreted in many ways.

In the simplest sense,it could be looked at as someone talking of a lover who has gone away. Pining for the lover and the good times they had.

Reminds one of Kalidasa's Meghadootham.In what is possibly the best example of 'vipralambasringaara' (separation) in Sanskrit literature, the banished yaksha speaks of his wife and all the good times they have had.

This poem as well as Meghadootham always leave me wondering how we "fall in love". A life that's hitherto been your own, you are made to share with someone else and you do so willingly. In fact, for a majority of us, finding a partner to "love and cherish" seems the primary aim in life. There has to be something to it,beyond the evolutionary baggage that we carry.

Unrequitted love

Having said all that,however ,what I think makes this poem very special is the subtle suggestion of unrequitted love. It paints a picture of a lonely individual in love with someone who does not reciprocate that love. However, the love also brings with it the hope of reciprocation. The poet talks of waiting all her life, of giving up life if need be. Also reminds one of the numerous Bhakthi movement songs where the yearning of the jeevaatma for then paramaatma is brought out using lovers as metaphor.

Besides all this, what I find very interesting about the poem is,of course, the use of words. Very simple and lyrical. The metaphors almost pass you by without your noticing them the first time you read it, yet they make the impact they should.

My favourite is : I'd toss it yonder like a rind,And taste eternity

It speaks of a love that is so intense and holds such promise that life seems like but a rind that is in the way of getting to the sweet fruit.

This brings me back a full circle to my initial question. What makes us seek out a mate? How does evolution explain the concept of love? Even in the social context what is it that makes us want to dedicate a lifetime to being with someone,alter all life's plans to help them fit in or fit into their life? So is falling in love worth all that its made out to be?

God's in his heaven

2005-01-09T16:31:00.001+05:30

Pippa's Song

THE year 's at the spring,

And day 's at the morn;

Morning 's at seven;

The hill-side 's dew-pearl'd;

The lark 's on the wing;

The snail 's on the thorn;

God 's in His heaven—

All 's right with the world!

-Robert Browning

While I am at it, here's another poem which marvels at God's creation, albeit from a different view of things.Pippa's Song by Robert Browning is one of my favorites.It has a childlike ,wide-eyed ,open-mouthed quality to it.

To me the highlight of the poem is, predictably, the last line. It takes a lot to say " All is right with the world" and to say it means to be at a level of being which most of us spend a lifetime chasing.

Starting from the start..:)

The whole poem paints an ideal picture.....Spring, the best time of the year,Seven in the morning when the sun is just out and spreading a warm glow, The dew is still there giving the whole world a pearly hue, the lark and snail are where they should be, doing what they do best.
It is so beautiful because it presents an over-simplified picture.An innocent view where all is right with the world.
I wonder though, if it is in fact trying to suggest that in this very simplicity lies the happiness that we strive to achieve. It is in fact in the beauty around us and the "simple" things that bring us happiness. Reminds one of Wordsworth when he says-
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

Pratham

2005-01-07T00:19:00.000+05:30

Pratham is the first post on this blog. For the information of any reader besides myself,if and when i decide to tell someone about it, this blog will contain my thoughts and reaction to poetry and lyrics. Though i have just started to think seriously about it, I find myself drawn toward poetry to the point of addiction. I am hoping writing about it and making a hash of my favourite poems will somehow help me get over this new found obsession.
I have to decided to mark the beginning of this blog by writing about Bharatiyar's Iraiva.
A song that celebrates God's creation. A song that appreciates all that is beautiful in the world. The simple expression and awe conveyed by the poem are very appealing.It touches the more serious aspects of our being when it talks of Bhakti and Mukti. This,in my opinion, is significant because it outlines Bharatiyar's stand. Born a brahmin, he shunned the rituals of brahmin society maintaining that he is as close,if not more, to God by treating his fellow beings as equals. Bharatiyar songs strongly reflect the ideas put forth in the Bhakthi movement of the medieval ages.

Ettanai kodi inbam vaithaai,engal iraiva!

Chittinai Achittudan inaithaai,
Angu serum aimbhoothatthin viyan ulagam amaithaai,
Attanai ulagamum varna kalanjiyamaaga,
pala pala nal azhaigugal samaithaai.

Mukti endru oru nilai samaithaai
Angu muzhuthinaiyyum unarum unarvu amaithaai,
Bhakthi endru oru nilai vaguthaai
engal parama!

I am attempting a crude translation without which the point i am trying to make may not come through.
He starts off by saying " You have created innumerable sweet things o lord!"
Its a wonderful piece of poetry because it puts across so many tenets of philosophy in such simple words without failing to make the necessary impact.
The first paragraph talks of consciousness and unconsciousness. He says its a wonder that two such states exist in harmony with one another because the world lies in the interface of these two.
I find this idea most intriguing. He combines the Hindu philosophy that states that all matter is made of the five elements-Air,Water,Fire,Earth and Ether- beautifully with the suggestion that the world around us is in fact not fully percieved by the conscious mind. The unconscious mind percieves and registers what the eye does not see and the ear does not hear and the interplay of all this is what we believe is "our" world.

The next paragraph goes into the next plane of being-the plane of salvation or mukti. He describes Mukti as a state where one can feel everything. This is a thought which seems radically opposite to the popular belief that Salvation frees one of all feeling. However, a deeper look makes me rethink the line and I wonder is "everything" in this context is in referance to the Brahman. In fact, he uses the word "muzhuthinayum" meaning all of it or whole. This may in fact be a reference to the sloka :
"Om purnamadah purnamidam purnaat purnamudachyate purnasya purnamaadaaya purnamevaaavashishyate"
This is the speech of the brahman wherein He says " I am Whole and every part of me is also Whole"
The next line reiterates the ideology of the bhakti movement. He uses bhakti as an adverb rather than a verb. Here he calls bhakti also a state suggesting the link between the two.
The poem makes one want to look at nature and the world around.it makes one want to be thankful for all that is and it confers on the reader a peace that comes from the security that He is there to love and protect.
Its poems like these that leave agnostics like me in confusion!