Of "Boardroom pinup girls", "global ponds" and women's day

On the occasion of Women's Day on March 8th, The Economic Times marked its "observance" of the day by inviting Padma Ravichander, Managing director Perot Systems, to write something up about the participation of women in higher management in industry. The original article can be found here.

Let me start by saying that I was hugely disappointed by the content and general writing of the article. I am in fact, so traumatized by the whole experience that I am going to proceed to dissect the article and tell you why I hated it so much. This is going to be a bit of an exhaustive ripping apart seeing that almost every line seems to bother me. Words in bold and with quotes around them are straight out of the article. Those that have quotes around them but are not in bold need you to imagine me making air quotes if I were saying all this out :)

I am really hoping I totally missed a big point here and that my whole understanding of the "message" is warped, because my trauma will continue if that is not the case .:)

So she writes this article and she decides to use for a title, "Boardroom pin-up girls making waves" . While it doesn't make any immediate sense to me, I am sure if I were top-brass management of a Fortune500 company, I would not want to be referred to as a "boardroom pin-up girl" whether or not I am "making waves". Even to just catch the reader's eye, this , I thought, was a rather poor choice of words.

It starts out painfully like a high school essay stating how women "hold seats on corporate boards, run major companies and are regularly featured on the covers of business magazines as prominent leaders and power brokers." and with the naivete of a high school essayist she asks "Who could have imagined this even half a century ago?" . Why do I get the feeling she thinks "half a century" amounts to 500 years back?

We are then treated to a whole bunch of illuminating statistics about how the percentage of women at the "top of the corporate ladder" is very low. She goes on to say that in IT however, " The demand for IT jobs particularly in India have ensured a greater population of women in the workplace than ever before ". Of course, if we had only half the jobs they would all go to men and women are just making up numbers here. Notice also, how a demand "have" ensured something....in The Economic Times no less!!! ( I am not going to be charitable to grammatical errors. With my not-so-admirable grammar skills , if I can catch such mistakes,come on, those editors are paid for correcting them!)

" Information Technology, world over is a relatively new industry and hence has enjoyed the luxury of greater gender neutrality than other industries where the organisational values, definitions of competencies and leadership are still predicated on traits that are stereotypically as-sociated with men tough, aggressive and decisive."

This long sentence left me in a fix. While the poor language and paucity of punctuations are besides the point (or may be the reason for the dilemma), I am not really able to make up my mind what it is trying to convey:
a) Gender neutrality is a luxury.
b) IT owes its gender neutrality ( even while the rest of the article shrieks about even IT not having enough women ) to the fact that it being a relatively new industry, helps it "concede" that women may in fact also be "tough aggresive and decisive".
c) The problem is somehow, more that concepts of competency and leadership are associated with traits such as "tough, aggressive and decisive" and less that they are infact "sterotypically male" .

While most women in IT, she observes, are at "entry-level" jobs, there is a "definitive trend" that they "can" become global leaders because IT jobs demand " for employees to work across countries and cultures and reach out to people across continents. " What about world peace?? This is the kind of writing (BS,if I may) I subscribe to when my answer to a question that demands a 500 word answer ends in about 50 and I need to fill up the space provided.

I gather the courage to read on. The next paragraph starts off promisingly with the question " So can women in IT make good global leaders and what is holding them back?" and I go "phew! May be she will redeem herself." But Alas! that was not to be. Ravichander is of the opinion that "Leadership is an inborn trait in women, whether they lead global teams across ponds or manage households discreetly by always ensuring that every member of the family or team is well nurtured and attended to. It is a quality that is fairly unique, yet very much a part of the DNA of a woman."

While I don't quite understand why someone would want to lead a "global team" across a "pond", it could be some IT jargon that I am unaware of. However, "inborn traits" such as "leadership" don't seem to ensure that every family in the world with a woman in it is well nurtured and I am not really sure how many times the household management is discreet or that every member is "attended to". A quality so "unique", a little less than half the world's population has it as "part of its DNA". ( why oh why can people not stop this abusive use of the concept of the DNA?!!) Is she also not putting in question the ability/involvement of a man as a caregiver or/and "discreet manager" of his household ?

She goes on to talk about the work culture in IT that leaves no minute unconnected and demands a "24/7 online-culture" of employees. How is the woman supposed to take care or her family and work? The solution according her is that " Both men and women need to join hands" and "look closely at our current management practices around meetings, deliverables, timings, work styles, success metrics, performance evaluation criteria and decide how we can change some of these practices across the organisation that would cater to needs of a gender diverse population collectively. "

Why is it a work-home balance struggle only for the woman? Not once does she consider suggesting that men share or should share the responsibility of the household. While evaluation of general work culture will help no doubt, how much impetus is going to come from a consumer-driven industry if it affects deliverables and time lines? How much good are sweeping statements in the vein of "re-evaluate work culture" going to do?

Like I said in the beginning, the way it was written and the fact that,despite the style and content, it got published was a big disappointment. Successful women like Padma Ravichander should be able ,in the least, to not consider themselves "pin-up girls". It is most unfortunate that she should give an impression that

a) A happy family and a successful career are involved in a trade-off
b) The happiness of a family is solely the woman's responsibility
c) There is no part or involvement of the husband in the success of a woman's career.
d) Men in industry need to be understanding to their women colleagues because these poor women do not get the support from the very same men in their roles as husbands.

Maybe the next time they will find someone better to ghost-write ( yes I am the optimist and still want to believe she doesn't really think this way.) the article for her and definitely someone better to edit it.

As a side thought, I wonder if IT big shots hire publicists and if this is in fact the light in which she wants to be seen by the "global" market, because otherwise, that is one more job that needs to be filled in by someone new :)

Himmat karne waalon ki haar nahin hoti

In all this discussion about different languages, I have neglected the one kind of poetry that I grew up reading. There is something very different about hindi poetry and somehow inspirational thoughts always come out sounding most emphatic in hindi. Of course, rhyme and meter are two very important aspects and to me, hindi free verse, is a little lame :)
So to me, while urdu is the language to fall in love in, Hindi is the language to get out of the dumps, to feel determined to achieve and such like happy thoughts. Not that hindi poetry in other genres is not good, just that hindi poetry of this genre makes sense most in hindi (again a cultural thing I am guessing :))

Anyway, the point to that rather lame introduction was to write about this awesome poem that I first had to memorise for a poetry recitation competition in Class 2. It is one poem I remember to this day. I am not exactly sure who the poet is. Two not-so-different versions exist with one being credited to Suryakant Tripathi 'Nirala' and the other to Harivansh Rai Bachchan. My version may in fact be a mixture of both but this is the most popular version of the poem.
So here it is (trumpets blaring with celebratory drum roll.....)

P.S. I tried a translation but it was so eeyeeeeeeeww that i couldn't bear to put it up :)
I am just going to take the safe route for now and put up meanings of words instead .
But, the himmat is on and some day when I do succeed, the translation will be up!

lehron se dar kar nauka paar nahi hoti
himmat karne walon ki haar nahi hoti

(lehron=waves, dar=fear, nauka= boat, paar=cross, nahi= not,
himmat karne waale= courageous people, haar= defeat)

nanhi chinti jab dana lekar chalti hai
chadti deewaron par sau baar fisalti hai
mann ka vishwas ragon mein sahas banta hai
chad kar girna, gir kar chadna na akharta hai
akhir uski mehnat bekar nahi hoti
koshish karne waalon ki haar nahi hoti....

(nanhi chinti = small ant, dana=grain, chalti = walks, chadti deewar = climbs the wall, sau baar= hundered times, fisalti= slips,
mann ka vishwas= belief / determination, ragon = veins/ nerves, sahas= bravery/courage, banta= becomes, girna= fall, akharta= discourage,
akhir= finally, mehnat= hard work, bekar= useless,
koshish= attempt)


dubkiyan sindu mein gota khor lagaata hai
ja ja kar khali haath laut aata hai
milte na sehej hi moti pani mein
behta duna utsah issi heiraani mein
mutthi uski khali har baar nahi hoti
himmat karne walon ki haar nahi hoti....

(dubkiyan = dive, sindu = indus river, gota khor= person looking for pearls, khaali haath= empty handed, laut = return,
milte = get, sehaj = easily, moti= pearls, pani = water, behta = flows, duna= twice over/ double, utsah= enthusiasm ,
mutthi= fist, uski= his, khaali = empty, har baar= everytime)

asaflta ek chunati hai sweekar karo
kya kami reh gayi dekho aur sudhaar karo
jab tak na safal ho neend chain ki tyago tum
sangharshon ka maidaan chhod mat bhago tum
kuch kiye bina hi jai jai kaar nahi hoti
himmat karne walon ki haar nahi hoti....

Failure is a challenge, accept it,
See what went wrong and improve on it,
Don't rest till you succeed,
Don't give up your efforts,
Praise doesn't come free,
Courageous people never fail.

One Trick Pony

iPods or other devices that let you store so many songs that you can't remember how many , shuffle and play them at random are terrific inventions :) Let me hasten to make my point, lest I start sounding like an iPod peddler. I had forgotten I had this song on the iPod and was pleasantly surprised when it started to play. It also brought back thoughts from when I first heard it and how much sense the words made then.

A lot of things decide who we are, where we think we are going , the choices we make. A great many other things have secondary influence in terms of how they bias our thinking and prepare us for the decisions we ultimately make. Something we heard, something we thought up or something we read. To me this song has been a secondary influence at different points for the past 5 or so years, since I first heard it.


I like his description of the one trick pony and the wistfulness with which he describes his own complicated style of dealing with seemingly mundane things. The last two lines sum up, to me, why sometimes when I am tearing my hair out and wondering why I voluntarily introduce complications in my life, this little guy in my head starts singing this very song.




One Trick Pony

He's a one trick pony
One trick is all that horse can do
He does one trick only
It's the principal source of his revenue
And when he steps into the spotlight
You can feel the heat of his heart
Come rising through

See how he dances
See how he loops from side to side
See how he prances
The way his hooves just seem to glide
He's just a one trick pony (that's all he is)
But he turns that trick with pride

He makes it look so easy
He looks so clean
He moves like God's
Immaculate machine
He makes me think about
All of these extra movements I make
And all of this herky-jerky motion
And the bag of tricks it takes
To get me through my working day
One-trick pony

He's a one trick pony
He either fails or he succeeds
He gives his testimony
Then he relaxes in the weeds
He's got one trick to last a lifetime
But that's all a pony needs

--Paul Simon

Of the mystics....

Zaahid sharaab peene de masjid mein baith kar
Ya woh jagah bata de jahan par Khuda na ho

(Let me drink alcohol in the mosque/ place of worship, or show me one place where God does not exist.)

The Sufi movement came to India from the middle east at a time when the bhakti movement also became prevalent among Hindus in India. Huge parallels can be drawn among both movements in their ideologies, in talking of God as the unmanifest energy that is universal, the yearning of the mortal soul (atman) for union with this eternal , omnipresent God (paramatman) and the use of analogies of separated lovers to highlight the relationship between the atman and the paramatman. Both movements emphasised that love alone was the path to salvation.

Legacy these movements have left are the two forms of classical music we have in India today.Besides the basic structures and technicalities these art forms follow, the biggest contribution of the mystic movements has been that of lyric. The sher at the beginning of this post, is by Mirza Ghalib ( credited elsewhere to Daagh Dehelvi, so I am not really sure) and sums concisely the philosophy even as it highlights the influence the philosophy had on generations hence.

The lyrics and the vein in which a bhajan or a sufi qawwali, ghazal or nazm is performed, are marked with a deep love. A love that transports the lover to a plane that has only them and their love (God). A love so extreme, it abandons all wordly concerns.An abandon that brings with it such joy that life becomes a celebration.This celebration is evident in bhajans by Meera, Kabir and many others as well as qawwalis by various Sufi saints.

This posts highlights a qawwali by Amir Khusrau which is, IMHO, very representative of this genre. And yes, you still have to endure my , no better than before, translations :)

Chhap tilak sab cheeni ray mosay naina milaikay


You have snatched my beauty and my identity,
with merely a look

Prem bhatee ka madhva pilaikay
Matvali kar leeni ray mosay naina milaikay

You intoxicate me with the nectar of love
even as I lose myself, in merely a look

Gori gori bayyan, hari hari churiyan
Bayyan pakar dhar leeni ray mosay naina milaikay

My fair hands and green bangles are,
as if, held bound by merely a look

Bal bal jaaon mein toray rang rajwa
Apni see kar leeni ray mosay naina milaikay

I give my life for you, Oh colorful one,
even as you dye me in your color, with merely a look


Khusrau Nijaam kay bal bal jayyiye
Mohay Suhaagan keeni ray mosay naina milaikay

Khusrau gives his life for the Nijam*
even as you wed me, with merely a look

(*) Khusrau's devotion to his spiritual guru, the great Nizam-ud-din auliya , a sufi saint, often surfaces in his works , with the latter being refered to as "nijam", like in the one above.

Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi......

Nostalgia is a strange thing. One thought, and the brain immediately re-connects every node in the network and with this emerging network emerges every feeling that you associated with that thought, person, incident.

In the emergence of one such nostalgic network in my head, a few days back, emerged as a node, this poem by Mirza Ghalib . The first half-line having been popularised by a movie that came out two years back and became immensely popular with anyone who wanted to prove they can watch and enjoy meaningful Indian cinema ( despite bollywood) :)

Ghalib's is regarded as one of the most intricate styles in urdu poetry. In something akin to Blake's Tiger, there is a new (possibly deeper) interpretation on every successive reading. What makes it more interesting is how short a sher (couplet) is and how much he manages to pack in. This makes any literal translation, most inadequate and sometimes rather morbid, as will be evident from the lines below!

Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi is a ghazal. There are rules to the composition of a ghazal but most importantly, it is made up purely of shers. All shers follow one meter, called beher. The last words of the second line of each sher are the same , this is called radif and the essential rhyme that words before the radif must have and is called kaafiya. With that very techinical, and possibly unnecessary description, here's one of the best Ghazals of all time!


Here the radif is simply the word 'nikle' and its easy to see how the kaafiya is maintained with words kam, dam, ham, jam, sitam etc.So here it is, most of it atleast. As usual, it comes with a crude line by line translation, in blank verse ( nostalgic marker no. 2!! sigh , oh well!) Also, comes with commentary on my favorite lines.

The opening sher is my favorite in the whole ghazal. Manages to kindle every nostalgia network that has a marker for something unfulfilled. I don't know about you, gentle reader, but that tends to clutter my head with way too many networks. ( we are greedy like this only!)
The fourth sher here is next in line of my favorites. Much literature exists, in every language known to man, on this dichotomy that love seems to present. Here it is as pithy as it gets :)


1. hazaaroN KHwahishaiN 'eisee ke har KHwahish pe dam nikle
bohot nikle mere armaaN lekin fir bhee kam nikle

A thousand desires, each seeming to take a lifetime to realise.
Try as I might, they don't seem to want to become real . ( like I said, my translation sucks!)

2. nikalna KHuld se aadam ka sunte aayaiN haiN lekin
bohot be_aabru hokar tere kooche se ham nikle

I had heard of Adam being ousted from paradise (khuld),
I find my way out of your street, in big (ger) disgrace.

3. huee jinse tavaqqo KHastagee kee daad paane kee
wo hamse bhee ziyaada KHasta-e-teGH-e-sitam nikle

He, from whom I expect justice for such weakness,
is more injured by the sword of sorrow than I.

4. mohabbat meiN naheeN hai farq jeene aur marne kaa
usee ko dekh kar jeete haiN jis kaafir pe dam nikle

In love, there isn't a difference between living and dying,
I draw life from looking at the traitor I die for.

5. zara kar jor seene par ki teer-e-pursitam nikle
jo wo nikle to dil nikle, jo dil nikle to dam nikle

Try hard to get this arrow of sorrow out of my heart,
It will come out taking my heart with it, my heart will take my life with it.

6. KHuda ke waaste parda na kaabe se uThaa zaalim
kaheeN 'eisa na ho yaaN bhee wohee kaafir sanam nikle

For God's sake, don't remove the veil off of the Kaaba ( religious stone representative of God in Islam)
What if my deceitful lover hides behind it?
( Also representative of a ston hearted lover perhaps!)

A great rendition of the ghazal by Shubha Mudgal can be heard here .

Suttum Vizhi Sudar, Bharatiyar and love.

Like most Indian languages, Tamil too lends itself beautifully to metaphors that give vernacular Indian poetry that ethereal quality. Not that I am an expert on vernacular languages, poetry of any kind or English but IMHO some very profound expressions come out sounding much better in the vernacular. But then it could be because my mother tongue ( so to speak ) is not English.


Bharathiyar's style has always fascinated me. It is simplistic, so even tamil duds like me can, not only understand but fully appreciate it, even while being filled with the most beautiful of metaphors ( now cliched , thanks to unimaginative tamil movie lyricists) . What sets it apart, however, is the consistent passion and optimism. While known most for his patriotic poems, I think his poems on social issues ( such as manathil urudhi vendum ) and the ones on various Hindu gods and God in general (ettanai kodi inbam) are really well done. Of all kinds, however, I like his love poems the best . ( I can see all the eye rolls so cut it :) )


This post chooses to elaborate on one of my two favorites, Suttum vizhi Sudar, the other one being Chinnanjiru kiliye. Kannamma is a recurrent theme in these poems, sometimes lover, sometimes child, sometimes companion.

This poem illustrates passion so unabashedly, it makes one want to fall that much in love with someone. I was of the thought that Indian culture and how it conditions us, keeps us from expressing fully how we feel about someone. While we have no issues expressing feelings of hatred we almost never vocalise or even accept to ourselves how much we love someone. I have found, half way around the world, that this seems true in America too.
What keeps us from expressing that passion? Are we afraid? Conditioned ? or simply incapable?

Analysis apart, here's a crude line to line translation of the poem. I just wish my poetry skills were a little better , to do a little justice to , what according to me is one of the greatest love poems ever. ( yeah, better than neruda even :))

Suttum vizhi sudar than Kannamma
Suriye chandiraro?
Vattakkariye vizhi - Kannamma!
Vanakkarumai kollo?

Your gaze has the brightness of the sun and moon
Your eyes reflect (*) the darkness of the skies


Pattu karuneela - pudavai
Padhittha nalviram
Natta nadunisiyil - Therium
Natchathirangalladi!

The diamonds on your dark silk saree,
show me the stars in broad daylight. (*)


Solai malaroliyo -Unathu
Sundarapunnagai than?
Neela kadalalaiye - Unathu
Nenjin alaigaladi !
Kolak kuyil oosai - Unathu
Kuralin inimaiyadi!
Valai kumariyadi - Kannamma
Maruvak kadhal kondain.

Your smile is the bloom of the garden,
Your heart, the waves of the sea,
Your voice , sweet like the koel's
My love longs for union, Kannamma

Sathiram pesugirai - Kannamma
Sathiram yedhukkadi?
Athiram kondavarke - Kannamma
Sathiram undodi!

You talk of Rules, Kannamma
What rules do paramours (*) follow?


Moothavar sammadhiyil - Vadhuvai
Muraigal pinbhu saivom
Kathiruppenodi! - Ithupar

Elders , marriage and rituals can wait,
Can I ? Come now,

Kannatthu muttham ondru!

Let me kiss you.

(*) changed after expert opinion although the expert disagrees with the translation to paramour, and thinks it should have been rational people , reflecting on Bharatiyar's call for rage/ anger/ passion in almost all his poems. Anger / Rage in the positive sense of bringing about change and opposing meaningless traditions , superstitious beliefs and of course, oppression.

I am what I am!

I am sitting here in my office....very irritated because a program I left running last night is STILL running and that kinda upsets my "schedule" for today ( Well, the secret glee I feel at being able to waste some time and having a valid excuse for it, is of course, off the record). So I sit here trying to think of a way to kill time.... check mail.... done that, go on this online community website and leave a bunch of messages to equally jobless people......done that too and then I am sitting there staring at google's search page when I suddenly realise, thats all I do!! All day long , I check mail or I check my scrapbook. Oh don't get me wrong..... its not like I am overly popular and people send me mail or scrap me every 5 minutes....I just check...;) Well, so on this particular day, feeling a little more pretentious than usual I opened the blog and realised I hadn't posted in 3 months!!!! hmmmm.....why would that be now? Surely not because I had nothing to write about and surely not because I am lazy ( oh well, we'll let THAT one pass for now) just maybe I am looking for stuff to write that makes me look a little less foolish..:)

But I am foolish and I am proud of it ( That was surely not water! Note to self: Never trust a room full of americans with smirks on their faces when you asked for water) Oh well, with that water inspired declaration made, this blog shall hereby cease to be pretentious or pseudo intellectual.......... it shall just be what it is best at being.....:)(Stupid is really the word....if you let your imagination run to meaner territories...bring it back...NOW!!)

55 is too less!!

"Red or green? "
"I don't know."
"Is he particular about it though?"
"I don't know."
"Will he wear stuff 'cos you bought it for him?"
"I guess."
"Is he smart?"
"I think so."
"Is he funny?"
"maybe."
"is he genuine?"
"appears to be, until now."
"What DO you know?"
"I have a lifetime to find out!"

Thanks to nirup who tagged me for the 55 word post thingy and another friend,who gave me news of her engagement thus bringing back the memories of the Mrs.Ramachandrans of my life. :)

Dream on

Dream on, dream on, dream on
Dream until your dreams come true

The radio blared as I tried getting some work done
at the lab before distractions like classes,
homework assignments and exams started to catch up
with me and.....well, distract me!!
This is the fifth time I am repeating this experiment
and something tells me I am not going to get it right
this time either!!

The cosmos has a way of sending the most apt messages
in the wierdest way. It sends you messages that you want
to hear. Messages that help you pick up what you dropped
b'cos you were really dejected!

Has it happened to you? It happens a lot to me!
radio songs, one line sayings,TV shows....or just a highly
unlikely conversation!

Maybe it is some higher power at work or maybe its just my
subconscious mind interpreting otherwise useless information
in a way that will calm by concious mind!! I don't know!
All I know is that it feels damn good !!!

So ya I am going to continue to ....DREAM ON!!!

Miles to go before I sleep

how do you react when you feel inadequate or under qualified? When more effort than you have ever imagined you are capable of, doesn't get you results that are even half as satisfactory! What am I doing wrong you ask?
Its a crushing thought, the thought of having to accept mediocracy. But just when it seems like a long dark tunnel, wisdom shines in four bright lines......

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Life may not have prepared you for this in terms of knowledge to deal with it. But life has given you emotional strength to look at things calmly, the will to work harder and smarter, the intellect to analyse what's going wrong, the good fortune of having people around that are ready to help.

Life continues to give hope and on that hope one must walk....to the last mile!

Living on a prayer?

The phoenix rises yet again, well lets just say nothing pushed me enough out of my sloth-phase until now. A conversation with a friend about inter religious marriage threw back at me some fundamental questions about faith. So why do we believe? and what do we believe in? Does going to a place of worship every now and then make one a believer? Conversely, if one doesn't feel the need to visit a place of worship, does that make him/her a non-believer?

To me, faith is the most personal thing in one's life. It is the source of one's self confidence and hope, whichever way you look at it. It is, as my friend pointed out, a way that helps you discipline yourself. So if in the tenets of your religion (or outside of it), you find a way that gives you all this but is different from how other people look at it, why should you be wrong? Most people are tolerant of people from other religions, aren't they? Then why is it difficult to accept that one's own religion may be interpreted differently by different people?

Another fundamental question arose when the friend in question carried the discussion forward stating that if I got married to someone from outside my religion I will have to choose what religion I want my kids to believe in. I don't see why I need to make a choice. If I married outside my religion, do I suddenyl acquire a new belief system? Does my old belief system cease to exist? How can I pass on or expect my husband to pass on to our kids, belief systems that are alien to us or ones we have just begun to understand? Then again what is wrong in passing on both belief systems ( these could be traditional,personal or both) and letting the kid make her/his own decision? This brings me back to the first question in this circle of faith (so to speak!)-- how many people really think about why they believe? How many proactively make decisions?

All You who Sleep Tonight

Its been a long time since I posted anything new. In the beginning, it was just that I didn't seem to have much to say. As time went by, I started plotting my comeback post (which only turned out to be a mild diversion because I soon realised that I still had nothing to say).
Slowly, laziness (my best friend) made itself comfortable, until today, when I chanced upon one of my all time favorite poems and sat wondering why I hadn't written about it yet. So bye bye laziness and here goes.

Short poems are always a delight. Specially ones that seem to convey so much in so less. Seth is a favorite with me and so is this one:

All You who Sleep Tonight

All you who sleep tonight
Far from the ones you love,
No hand to left or right
And emptiness above -

Know that you aren't alone
The whole world shares your tears,
Some for two nights or one,
And some for all their years.

-- Vikram Seth

Loneliness is, to me, the scariest thought. Indian society and culture never quite prepare one for loneliness in its true sense. Well the next question , of course is, does western society? I don't know too much about western society or culture, but of course its also rather naive to use one term to describe all the cultures that exist west of india..:)

Then there's the other thing.Are you lonely if you are alone? How many people explore alone-ness? Its interesting to note how, to many people, being alone is synonymous with being lonely!

my favorite grook

For this post I have chosen a grook..........that's what Piet Hien calls his poems. You will know why a grrok is so likeable when you read this one.

A Psychological Tip

Whenever you're called on to make up your mind,
and you're hampered by not having any,
the best way to solve the dilemma, you'll find,
is simply by spinning a penny.

No - not so that chance shall decide the affair
while you're passively standing there moping;
but the moment the penny is up in the air,
you suddenly know what you're hoping

A lot of times, specially right out of the teens, one is faced with the need to make decisions and take responsibility for them. The predicament is often augmented by one's confused self image, what seems the smart thing to do and what one's value system defines as the right thing to do. The bravado and "maturity" vanish when often on the toss of one such coin one finds oneself wishing for something that is "wrong".

So wat makes a conformist conform and a non- conformist rebel? Aren't they both , in fact lying to themselves and to other around them?

How tall are you?

I rushed in, ran to my room and changed. In precisely 120 seconds I was out of my room, picking up a piece of bread laid out on the table for me and stuffing it in my mouth. Grabbing my bag, I made my way to the door screaming my goodbyes to my family, by now used to this drill.

Even as I put one foot out, doing a final mental check of all that i needed to take, Mrs.Ramachandran (sitting on the sofa all the while, as I now noticed) asked me that question: "How tall are you?"

Well if you are wondering why a simple four word query should have me so agitated- I have had that one thrown at me quite often nowadays but not quite when I am running to make it on time for class. No I am not one of those eight-footer hulks you would see on primetime guiness book of records, ladies and gentlemen, I am 22 years old. In the prying eyes of the Mrs.Ramachandrans of the world I would be the perfect match for their husband's sister's sister-in-law's best friend's grandson who is "MS-from-US" and a "very nice boy".

"How tall are you?" , therefore, is not a question.It is simply a statement Mrs.Ramachandran uses to let me know that she thinks I should get married soon.

So back to the scene at hand, I managed to pretend that I hadn't heard that and ran for dear life. Dear life , however, wasn't in a very charitable mood that day and Mrs.Ramachandran was still around when I returned two hours later. As soon as she saw me she started that cooing that was very uncharecteristic of her but which had ceased to surprise me for some time now. I realised it was one of those things that followed the ominous four word declaration she had made earlier. While she proceeded to make me feel at home, in my own house I might add, I decided to give up and give in. (Not to marriage silly, to listen to her.)

Even as we made inane conversation,I could feel the insides of her brain twisting with the effort of trying to come up with a hyphenated description for me. Soon she proceeded to tell me how smart she thought I was. I mean " Managing so many things together so well! Girls nowadays are so smart". While I looked helplessly around for some kind of support my treacherous family sat there smirking and enjoying the "fun". She then proceeded to tell me how an early marriage was the right thing to do and how beyond 25 I would lose my "charm".

The icing on the cake came with not one , not two but three cherries. With the look Hitler would have had had he won World War II, she finally revealed the "nice boys" she had in mind. Two brothers and their cousin. All looking to marry. All in some business in bombay (she wouldn't have known or cared if they were mafia), owned 2 flats in Hiranandani and five others in bombay and two huge bungalows in pune.
Since I was the smart-modern-yet-homely-girl (I am guessing thats how she would describe me) I could take my pick.

I did something next that blew all my chances of ever finding my hyphenated life partner.....in a four word reply I said " How 'bout all three?"

Ode to the nice guy

This is something a friend sent me after we had this whole conversation about someone I described as a "nice" guy. She had this wry smile on her face and told me she will send me this write up. She kept her promise and here it is. I think it is a very well written piece and though humorous,drives home the point quite well..:)

http://www.stwing.upenn.edu/~jenf/writing/rant04.html

(I am not sure if I can reproduce it here because its from a journal)

There are female equivalents of nice guys too. The type who constantly get described as "oh she is a guy" or "you should have been born a guy!!" and though at different levels, these nice girls go through about the same as the nice guys! What say?

Separation

'Separation'

Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.

-- W.S. Merwin


A poem which I read somewhere and a poem that caused me to look up everything else by the poet. But more importantly, a poem that caught me unawares. A poem that talks positively of separation. A poem that doesn't sensationalise the point at which a relationship between two people changes because there is a distance between them.


To me it is positive because it acknowledges that every interaction adds color to one's life. Every relationship teaches you how not to behave..:)


I love the use of words in this one. While it puts across that the separation has been hard (" gone through me") it recovers immediately with everything i do is stiched with its color. All of us have friends that we have parted ways with, physically or emotionally. There are some that make such lasting impacts that meeting them after a gap of 5,10 or 20 years making little or no difference to the comfort levels you feel with them. There is this zone that belongs only to the two of you and remains guarded.....for life.


Which brings me to something I had a conversation about with a friend yesterday. Is it possible to love somebody without expecting anything in return? Lets stick to platonic relationships only. Why is it important that if you think someone is a very dear friend, that someone should feel the same way about you? Isn't it enough how much happiness you are getting by simply liking that someone that much?


That was our line of discussion and I have no answers. But I have found that the people I believe are good friends are all friends made with little or no expectations. But then of course, the definition of an expectation might have been very different when we did become friends. I don't know!

P.S. One interesting thing about Merwin is that his translations of Neruda are really good. This poem isn't such a wonder any more is it??

The Infinity of Calculus!

Like most not-so-bright-at-maths kids, my school years were plagued constantly by "just-passed" marks in Maths. Just when I was getting used to it, Calculus happened!!! The little self confidence I had managed to salvage out of the wreck of my Class 10 board exams got buried right at the bottom in class 11 with wonderful calculus making a grand entry.

I always felt really dumb around people who were smart enough to pretend that they understood what was happening in class..:) But recently something happened that revived my calculus confidence. All those curses hurled at poor Newton hadn't gone in vein after all. The incident I am referring to is an interview conducted in my father's office while I happened to be there.

On one of those days when my father was consumed, almost wholly, by the pangs of jealousy he felt when he saw me sprawled on the sofa in front of the TV, he ordered me to get ready fast and come to the office with him. There was an interview and my job was to co-ordinate the whole thing(read do the peon's job of calling the next interviewee)

Anyways, so in came Mr.X ( for the sake of anonimity ), a fresher from ABC Engineering College ( for the sake of saving ABC from terrible embarassment). After the usual formalities and showing off his certificate of distinction he sat down. The rest of the interview lasted for about 2 mins and went something like this:

Dad :(smiling reassuringly at X, who was looking very worried) What is the integral of 1/x.

Mr.X : (takes a second to think ,looks up, a triumphant smile wiping away all the worry lines, and announces) INFINITY

Me :(looking intently at Dad to see if he gets the someone-is-dumber-that-my-daughter-at-this relief look on his face)

Dad : (trying hard to not fall off his chair but regaining his composure just in time ) Can you explain how you get that?

Said Mr.X, hardly able to contain his excitement: Sir, the integral of x to the power n is x to the power n+1 divided by n+1. 1/x means x to the power -1, so by the rule the integral has a 0 in the denominator and so the answer is INFINITY!!!

BEAT THAT NEWTON!

Wannabe Somebody

Emily Dickinson puts it rather well when she says:

I'm Nobody! Who are you?
Are you--Nobody--Too?
Then there's a pair of us?
Don't tell! they'd advertise--you know!

How dreary--to be--Somebody!
How public--like a Frog--
To tell one's name--the livelong June--
To an admiring Bog!
The real world expects all of us to be "somebodys" or atleast state an ambition to that effect. Why is there this need for recognition? Is it because we are not comfortable with ourselves? If we are indeed comfortable then why this need for outside endorsement?

Of course, all this applies to talented people. What of the untalented? Why are they under the constant pressure of having to prove one talent or the other? Can't someone be plain untalented? Why can we never accept these things?

Then of course there are people who are comfortable with being nobodys and the wannabe somebody world calls them LAZY!!!

Said the queen of HEARTS- "Off with his HEAD" !!!

No this isn't a post about my love for that wonderful book! I am back at doing what i do best-asking silly questions!!

Well this one's about What rules a decision- the head or the heart?

To begin with, what is the definition of "head" and "heart" here?Is it about emotions? Popular notion has it that a "head" type decision maker is the practical kind and of course the "heart" type decision maker goes by what "feels" is right as opposed to how practical a decision it may be.

Arguably, we fall in either category depending on the decision itself.But in general people lean to one side or the other for most of their decisions. Any decision is difficult but don't heart decisions tend to be a little less thought out and impulsive? May be more room for regret in the future?

Being a very head type decision maker I have often found it very difficult to identify with heart type decisions!! Sometimes the lack of logic is so striking its almost as if the decision was made hoping for a miracle! Decisions colored by unrealistic optimism are as obvious to people who make them as they are to on lookers. So what makes people go ahead and make those decisions anyways? Does emotion kill the rationale of the thinking brain? Does it take one further away from reason,logic and indeed reality?

Footprints on my sand

The other day,I was listening to one of my favorite songs "Kaneerae Kaneerae" from the movie Uyire for the nth time. This time , however, was a little different because I paid attention to the lyrics . To cut a long story short, there are two lines in the second paragraph :

unnoadu naan kanda bandham
mannoadu mazhai konda sondham
kaayndhaalum adi eeram enjum

( This bond I have with you is like that of rain and the earth, the dampness beneath never dries)

Very simply put but these words kindle so many emotions! At once, one remembers all those friends that one has left behind or with whom one has lost touch and starts feeling thankful for the friends one has now!!

I know its beginning to sound like one of those forwards which tells you , you must call that friend 'cos tomorrow s/he may be dead!! So i will stop here before it gets more sugary.

But to everybody...thanks..:)