I rushed in, ran to my room and changed. In precisely 120 seconds I was out of my room, picking up a piece of bread laid out on the table for me and stuffing it in my mouth. Grabbing my bag, I made my way to the door screaming my goodbyes to my family, by now used to this drill.
Even as I put one foot out, doing a final mental check of all that i needed to take, Mrs.Ramachandran (sitting on the sofa all the while, as I now noticed) asked me that question: "How tall are you?"
Well if you are wondering why a simple four word query should have me so agitated- I have had that one thrown at me quite often nowadays but not quite when I am running to make it on time for class. No I am not one of those eight-footer hulks you would see on primetime guiness book of records, ladies and gentlemen, I am 22 years old. In the prying eyes of the Mrs.Ramachandrans of the world I would be the perfect match for their husband's sister's sister-in-law's best friend's grandson who is "MS-from-US" and a "very nice boy".
"How tall are you?" , therefore, is not a question.It is simply a statement Mrs.Ramachandran uses to let me know that she thinks I should get married soon.
So back to the scene at hand, I managed to pretend that I hadn't heard that and ran for dear life. Dear life , however, wasn't in a very charitable mood that day and Mrs.Ramachandran was still around when I returned two hours later. As soon as she saw me she started that cooing that was very uncharecteristic of her but which had ceased to surprise me for some time now. I realised it was one of those things that followed the ominous four word declaration she had made earlier. While she proceeded to make me feel at home, in my own house I might add, I decided to give up and give in. (Not to marriage silly, to listen to her.)
Even as we made inane conversation,I could feel the insides of her brain twisting with the effort of trying to come up with a hyphenated description for me. Soon she proceeded to tell me how smart she thought I was. I mean " Managing so many things together so well! Girls nowadays are so smart". While I looked helplessly around for some kind of support my treacherous family sat there smirking and enjoying the "fun". She then proceeded to tell me how an early marriage was the right thing to do and how beyond 25 I would lose my "charm".
The icing on the cake came with not one , not two but three cherries. With the look Hitler would have had had he won World War II, she finally revealed the "nice boys" she had in mind. Two brothers and their cousin. All looking to marry. All in some business in bombay (she wouldn't have known or cared if they were mafia), owned 2 flats in Hiranandani and five others in bombay and two huge bungalows in pune.
Since I was the smart-modern-yet-homely-girl (I am guessing thats how she would describe me) I could take my pick.
I did something next that blew all my chances of ever finding my hyphenated life partner.....in a four word reply I said " How 'bout all three?"
Even as I put one foot out, doing a final mental check of all that i needed to take, Mrs.Ramachandran (sitting on the sofa all the while, as I now noticed) asked me that question: "How tall are you?"
Well if you are wondering why a simple four word query should have me so agitated- I have had that one thrown at me quite often nowadays but not quite when I am running to make it on time for class. No I am not one of those eight-footer hulks you would see on primetime guiness book of records, ladies and gentlemen, I am 22 years old. In the prying eyes of the Mrs.Ramachandrans of the world I would be the perfect match for their husband's sister's sister-in-law's best friend's grandson who is "MS-from-US" and a "very nice boy".
"How tall are you?" , therefore, is not a question.It is simply a statement Mrs.Ramachandran uses to let me know that she thinks I should get married soon.
So back to the scene at hand, I managed to pretend that I hadn't heard that and ran for dear life. Dear life , however, wasn't in a very charitable mood that day and Mrs.Ramachandran was still around when I returned two hours later. As soon as she saw me she started that cooing that was very uncharecteristic of her but which had ceased to surprise me for some time now. I realised it was one of those things that followed the ominous four word declaration she had made earlier. While she proceeded to make me feel at home, in my own house I might add, I decided to give up and give in. (Not to marriage silly, to listen to her.)
Even as we made inane conversation,I could feel the insides of her brain twisting with the effort of trying to come up with a hyphenated description for me. Soon she proceeded to tell me how smart she thought I was. I mean " Managing so many things together so well! Girls nowadays are so smart". While I looked helplessly around for some kind of support my treacherous family sat there smirking and enjoying the "fun". She then proceeded to tell me how an early marriage was the right thing to do and how beyond 25 I would lose my "charm".
The icing on the cake came with not one , not two but three cherries. With the look Hitler would have had had he won World War II, she finally revealed the "nice boys" she had in mind. Two brothers and their cousin. All looking to marry. All in some business in bombay (she wouldn't have known or cared if they were mafia), owned 2 flats in Hiranandani and five others in bombay and two huge bungalows in pune.
Since I was the smart-modern-yet-homely-girl (I am guessing thats how she would describe me) I could take my pick.
I did something next that blew all my chances of ever finding my hyphenated life partner.....in a four word reply I said " How 'bout all three?"
18 comments:
btw there's sthg strange at work here. ur last 2 posts were broadly abt
1) Ode to the "nice" guy
2)arranged marriage( How tall are you?)
now "If I tell ya" (http://maladiesofconfused.blogspot.com) here has writen simultaneously on those same topics!
1)"sweet,nice" guys( What Men Want)
2)marriage( The Great Indian Arranged Matrimony)
strange coincidence...and tht i happened to chance upon both of them...does tht forebode sthg for me?(is this "nice" guy finally getting married?? :-) )
nicely written.
@waaaaaoow
hmph...lesser mortals can just keep dreaming about getting taller if not getting married. Of course, concerns like charm also belong strictly to you lesser mortals..:)
As a public service, the next swollen egg will be pointed your way......stand on a stool and be ready.:P
@morpheus,sanketh
thanks
@sumandutta
very strange indeed!!
weasel puke yes.
bat barf yes.
goat turd ditto.
..... SWOLLEN EGG?
rofl!
aww. I'm sure she's giving you good advice [;)]
Like Russell Peters would say.. "yes, I know he's a little fat.. but you'll grow into him slowly"
poor mrs.ramachandran..she could sue you for defamation!!!
and meera..what happened to our matrimonial agency??
@meera and megha
some day i will book the two of you in for torture!
lol!!!! i wonder where Mrs.Ramachandran was when u turned 18 ??!!! what she was doing all these four years??!!! :-p
hehe, btw, the last 4 words cant get any better than that...;-)
Funny...has a kind of wodehouse touch to it :)
LOL, misha. This was great fun reading. This is just the beginning, youll suprised in how many more ways such ambiguous proposals are going to come your way. Btw, if ure going to book meera in for torture just let me know. Ill more than willing to add some of my own ;)
So how tall are you? :-o
@rs
thats the best compliment I have ever got...:) a bit overstated i guess but thanks...it made my day
@ss
Nice to know that I am not alone in this misery.........will let you know the day i gather the courage to fight the excesses of Meera the touturer
@eroteme
:P that's the secret of my singledom..;)
Yeah rite like thats going to happen soon. Ive been wanting to fight it(her) for the best part of 5-6 years but every goddamn time she gets the better of me :) Every time im like "im going to get even with you the next time" but it still hasnt come :( LOL.
Your height is the secret to your singledom? :-o
Jesus! Get a life!!! :-))
Just wondering, HOW tall is Mrs.Ramachandran?
interesting post!!
Nice to see one from the old-time music gang in the blog scene...
Cheers!
and yeah, Sukhi bhava!
ROFL ;-D
This is SO true! Isn't it a pity that people force marriage on 20 somethings when they're at the peak of their 'single' status??!!
Well done! Keep writing...
Cheers,
Sandeep
Accidentally came across your blog. This is hilarious stuff. Good going. Keep it up.
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