The phoenix rises yet again, well lets just say nothing pushed me enough out of my sloth-phase until now. A conversation with a friend about inter religious marriage threw back at me some fundamental questions about faith. So why do we believe? and what do we believe in? Does going to a place of worship every now and then make one a believer? Conversely, if one doesn't feel the need to visit a place of worship, does that make him/her a non-believer?
To me, faith is the most personal thing in one's life. It is the source of one's self confidence and hope, whichever way you look at it. It is, as my friend pointed out, a way that helps you discipline yourself. So if in the tenets of your religion (or outside of it), you find a way that gives you all this but is different from how other people look at it, why should you be wrong? Most people are tolerant of people from other religions, aren't they? Then why is it difficult to accept that one's own religion may be interpreted differently by different people?
Another fundamental question arose when the friend in question carried the discussion forward stating that if I got married to someone from outside my religion I will have to choose what religion I want my kids to believe in. I don't see why I need to make a choice. If I married outside my religion, do I suddenyl acquire a new belief system? Does my old belief system cease to exist? How can I pass on or expect my husband to pass on to our kids, belief systems that are alien to us or ones we have just begun to understand? Then again what is wrong in passing on both belief systems ( these could be traditional,personal or both) and letting the kid make her/his own decision? This brings me back to the first question in this circle of faith (so to speak!)-- how many people really think about why they believe? How many proactively make decisions?
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4 comments:
hey misha,
interesting set of Stumpers..:)
I think no matter how much we try to rationalize these issues and possible arrive at a convincing solution which is equanimous...at some point what seemed agreeable will be the biggest cause of misunderstanding, espceially when two people decide to get married, and are not from the same religious background.
let alone deciding the religion of the kid...even naming the kid would be, if not anything atleast a moderately angry debate... :)
talking about all this..another thought comes up.. though it might sound silly.. i wonder if, when a guy and girl of different religions decide to be together for life, apart from going out for dinners, movie theaters, et. all which all such people do during courtship... do they ever go and visit the other person's place of worship ?
like you said, exposing kids to both religions and letting them decide what they want to ascribe to is a really good way to deal with it... but is this possible in reality ?
its just funny how the world works... :)
very good post !
cheers,
arun
Yo! Let me play the Devil's advocate for you(naah, naah naah! No backing out now! ;-).
We need to define what a marriage is all about. If it simply 2 people coming together and having kids and other delights (which seem so, initially ;-) then its fine. Why have marriage at all? Why does your faith require you to marry? Acceptance in society? What else? Aren't we trying to fit what is convenient to us within the framework of present day society and then pushing everyone to nod their heads? Then comes what if the guy is 20 years older than the girl or the girl is 20 years older than the guy? All deviations from the norm are possible. When every deviator argues so well for the sake of his pet act, then why have a marriage at all? Isn't it a way of finally gaining acceptance but on your terms? Partially aberrations are so annoying... :-)
If marriage is more than that and it is to do with families getting together and mostly everyone being happy then all kinds of issues will creep in and have to be treated on a case by case basis. A rich zamindar might accept his farmer's daughter for his daughter-in-law. That is his decision. That does not make the other zamindar who refused to do something similar, an evil man. Popular notions of right and wrong cannot be applied everywhere, for a man would cease to listen to his heart (even though you call it a corrupted one) under the pressure of being considered a nice man in society... So if families have no issues, even in inter-caste marriage is fine, but if they aren't then they aren't and hence the marriage will not gain acceptance. Since, in this case, families and the happiness of most of the stakeholders matters, hence you accept that this is not viable.
And why are we trying to reason with faith on the grounds of logic? Faith was never meant to wield logic as its trademark sword. Each one's faith is their faith. Because it doesn't appeal to you doesn't make it a lesser faith. Someone might have faith in buffalos. You might call him stupid, but legend has it that a great saint believed in a buffalo and god and when he wasn't allowed inside a temple, a buffalo charged into the temple and broke all the walls between the saint and the god's idol! Faith and belief are to be taken at face value. You have yours and I have mine. Just because you do not believe in inter-caste marriages and I do, doesn't make you or your faith superior. One's faith is not accountable to the reasoning of another.
I rest my case... for now ;-p
Well I totally agree with what eroteme above said.
The concept is simple.You said it yourself.Religion is belief.It teaches you to be disciplined and cultured.Again today and that too being born from a place like india....most of your actions are driven not to satisfy your beliefs but to satisfy the people around you,starting with your mom,dad,sis,bro and the worst case is you have to do it for the sake of your next door neighbour or your relatives who means nothing to you.
people in a religion have a set of norms which they believe is right.Most of them folow a major part of those norms and others set their own.To my knowledge the major norm should be to do things such that it does not harm others in any way,physically,mentally or sentimentally. then this is the best religion you could be in.
As for you marriage thingy, its totally fine to marry someone in another religion.Ofccourse the main thing in a marriage should be the level of Understanding between the two.Rerligion does not come into play.You can ask your hild to choose his own beleif and follow that, but one thing..if you go about marrying someone from other religion ..the point to think about is --whether you are going against the BELIEFS of your parents.Ofcourse here Love palys a strong hold then belief.and Again whom to live for also comes into play.This is all intermingled and is highly complex to form the yet improperly defined word-LIFE.
Towards the end I think its confusing.But to me Live what you believe is right.And to be right make proper decisions.Ask your loved ones for their views,but the decison should be yours.Ofcourse you cannot always make right decisions..but you can always make your decisions right.But whatever be the outcome of your decision..accept it and continue making decisions in making yours and the others around you to live a life in HARMONY.
GOOD LUCK!!!
this post was far too hackneyed..the usual ..we've gone over it too many times...think of something new to say
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