Having indulged my over active creative urges, the past week was spent recovering from its aftermath..:) Well, since the "she" in question is quite out of the way, atleast for now, I am at peace now.
A conversation with a friend a few days back brought to me this observation.Let me try and put it as lucidly as my clear head (pun unintended) allows me to:
Notice how in a really thick friendship between a guy and a girl,to the girl, the guy is a friend first and then a guy whereas to the guy, the girl, no matter how good a friend, is a girl first...........always. In fact, sometimes I have felt that from the guy's point of view the friendship itself is based on the one strong basis of her gender.
I have found this to be true in the many friendships I have had and the others that I have observed.Guys seem to be more at ease talking about their "soft" side with girls. It is ok for them to tell a girl how bad they are feeling about something or to cry to her when they are heart broken. Though all guys realise they they have this side and also recognise the need to talk about it , they don't do so with each other.
Why? Why is it so important for a guy to maintain the "I'm cool" image in front of other guys? What is it about a girl that brings these defences down?
Is it that she listens? But guys listen too. Is it that she is caring? Then again, guys can be equally if not more caring. Is it that she provides solutions? This definitely can't be the case because most often a girl would just listen and be sympathetic and not provide any inputs by way of solution. Then What?????
16 comments:
Good question! "pengalin koonthalakku eyarkayile narumanam unda illaya?" antha kelviyai pol than intha kelviyum. chokka chokka, intha blogidam irunthu ennai kapatru!!!! kelvi kaetkaradhu romba easy aana bathil solradhu nemba kastam.
Not sure whether this is always true. If you do find a guy who is, as you say, sensitive and caring and a good listener, then it is likely that he would be target for a few guys. The point is that many guys really do not think it essential to discuss stuff or talk about things. Secondly, it is also the mating dance to get this soft side out to women. If the guy and girl hang around for long (few years) it is likely that the sensitive conversations will be replaced with mundane stuff...
Sometimes the girl very clearly views the guy as a "guy" and then approaches to befriend him... :-)
Basic instincts, which we love to deny...
You're probably quite right, Misha, and I feel that because of this, guys get much more out of such friendships than girls. Girls only get to know some really dirty jokes. If they want them, of course. ;-)
this is unrelated to this post but whoever said biology isn't cool? i read what you had to write over at pranesh's blog. i am sure you were being sarcastic as hell, but i just wanted to say that there are some of us who do believe bio rocks. I also believe that there will be a day when your Aunt Gs will do the knew-it-all-along thingy. Stick with it.
ok my take is this. with gals we get a different sounding board and we often get to see perspectives that we didn't even know existed. i mean who better to tell you abt the rest of womankind, to give you the low down. :)
i agree that most of us go by gender, but then i am sure it is true for women too. i am not sure you'd open up to the same degree around men than other women. i guess there is the rare friend who really crosses those barriers. i have a few and i know i don't treat them any different.
Hubba hubba!
BTW, the wedding snaps were really good. Some faces look slightly different! Wish I were there.
- D
i think u're right misha. i can definitely vouch for what you said about the girl seeing the guy as a "friend" first and the guy seeing the girl as a "girl" first.
i'm not sure why exactly this happens and wouldn't want to hazard any guesses. i don't think this happens all the time, but certainly in a very large percentage of the cases it does.
regd why a guy can never open up emotionally to another guy? once again i totally agree with what you said. my experiences hv been exactly the same. but once again i cant place a finger on why exactly. guess it's just something we have to live with!
Thanks all for the comments!! Quite a few points of view here! Still leaves my question unanswered though......of course to expect any conclusive answers to questions such as these is rather naive but then one can't help but ask...after all the blog is about questions!!
cheers,
patriarchy demands that "manhood" be lived up to... and its not something thats awarded once, for good. a guy has to repeatedly prove that hes a "Man" and therefore is under constant pressure to be macho. i guess maturity & self assurance for men start with defining "masculine" as opposed to "macho" for themselves, so that they are free to live without the constant worry of being labelled effeminate.
as for the beginning reference....
"she" will be back very soon... beware! :d
I am sure that no guy or girl who is good-looking will have "true" friends who are members of the opposite sex.It just doesnt work out that way.Lets consider a situation where a girl is "hot".Is there any chance a guy will overlook that and instead focus on the friendship aspects? no chance.Any genuine friendship between a guy and a girl that I am aware of always has one of them not so handsome/beautiful or generally there is no chance of the relationship going to the "next level".
As far as guys opening up to girls is concerned,its just a generalisation on your part.You must be knowing plenty of girls who speak openly with guys as well as guys who act macho with girls.All these combinations happen.Maybe some guys want to act as a sissy in front of girls to impress on the girl that they are very sensitive.maybe just a sham.It just depends on the person,I guess.
Whatsay?
kk... the way i see it (n when u eat dinner alone in ur room, u hv tons of time to think and see things!) is tht the second point follows perfectly from the first...
the first point is "frnd" over "guy" v/s "gal" over "frnd" n the second point is guys opening up emotionally only to female frnds...
let's assume we are only referring to platonic relationships (perfectly valid assumption)... now since a girl who's frnds with a guy sees him first as a "frnd", she doesnt differentiate this frndship much from one which she has with a girl... hence for a girl opening up to either a female or male frnd is almost equally easy
now a guy on the other hand who's frnds with a girl views her as a "girl" first.. hence he is inadvertently differentiating betn frndships tht he has with guys and girls.. hence it's only natural for him to behave diff in the two cases... as it turns out he is emotionally shut in a frndship with a guy and emotionally open in one with a girl...
so the important point is why the first point tht u made occur?? is it only with "hot" females? i think not.
i tried to put my point as clearly as poss.. hope u understand wht i'm trying to say...
@wooaaooww
Well allegations always come with in built double standards.........they apply only to others......:)
Well about the range...thats why its Sarvam..;) and my liking of that particular bharathi piece also has other factors to it.
Hmm.. typical mentality of a guy is probably to brush-off any problem to be not worth brooding over. So, thats probably the advice that one gets from a guy most of the times. It works a lot of times, but sometimes some problems do need some attention. Well, thats when we try to get to the complicated details with the help of a girl.
Its like girls confiding in guys.. for a change.. to keep things simple.
Hi,
What you say is true, but it is'nt the whole truth.
All of us have faced instances when we need help; and we seek that help from people we trust the most. If that person happens to be a girl, so be it!...but I don't think you can generalize by claiming that guys turn only to girls when they need help on the 'soft' side.
I cudnt go through all the comments above, but i did have a look at the original post twice.
Misha, u r quite right in ur observation "to the girl, the guy is a friend first and then a guy whereas to the guy, the girl, no matter how good a friend, is a girl first" and i feel sorry to accept this "fact".
Watever it is, a guy is a guy n a girl is a girl, we just cant try to mix them up!!!
On a serious note, from my experience, wat i feel is, the GIRL part of the friendship stays only till the 2 gets close, later SHE would be just an other FRIEND. But till then, watever u said holds good :|:|
Neat Post Man.
I think we tend to confide more in the Girl of our life for reasons unknown. It may not happen most times with the other way round but if it does then the guy is lucky.
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