"Red or green? "
"I don't know."
"Is he particular about it though?"
"I don't know."
"Will he wear stuff 'cos you bought it for him?"
"I guess."
"Is he smart?"
"I think so."
"Is he funny?"
"maybe."
"is he genuine?"
"appears to be, until now."
"What DO you know?"
"I have a lifetime to find out!"
Thanks to nirup who tagged me for the 55 word post thingy and another friend,who gave me news of her engagement thus bringing back the memories of the Mrs.Ramachandrans of my life. :)
Friday, November 11, 2005
Friday, October 28, 2005
Dream on
Dream on, dream on, dream on
Dream until your dreams come true
The radio blared as I tried getting some work done
at the lab before distractions like classes,
homework assignments and exams started to catch up
with me and.....well, distract me!!
This is the fifth time I am repeating this experiment
and something tells me I am not going to get it right
this time either!!
The cosmos has a way of sending the most apt messages
in the wierdest way. It sends you messages that you want
to hear. Messages that help you pick up what you dropped
b'cos you were really dejected!
Has it happened to you? It happens a lot to me!
radio songs, one line sayings,TV shows....or just a highly
unlikely conversation!
Maybe it is some higher power at work or maybe its just my
subconscious mind interpreting otherwise useless information
in a way that will calm by concious mind!! I don't know!
All I know is that it feels damn good !!!
So ya I am going to continue to ....DREAM ON!!!
Monday, October 17, 2005
Miles to go before I sleep
how do you react when you feel inadequate or under qualified? When more effort than you have ever imagined you are capable of, doesn't get you results that are even half as satisfactory! What am I doing wrong you ask?
Its a crushing thought, the thought of having to accept mediocracy. But just when it seems like a long dark tunnel, wisdom shines in four bright lines......
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
Life may not have prepared you for this in terms of knowledge to deal with it. But life has given you emotional strength to look at things calmly, the will to work harder and smarter, the intellect to analyse what's going wrong, the good fortune of having people around that are ready to help.
Life continues to give hope and on that hope one must walk....to the last mile!
Its a crushing thought, the thought of having to accept mediocracy. But just when it seems like a long dark tunnel, wisdom shines in four bright lines......
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
Life may not have prepared you for this in terms of knowledge to deal with it. But life has given you emotional strength to look at things calmly, the will to work harder and smarter, the intellect to analyse what's going wrong, the good fortune of having people around that are ready to help.
Life continues to give hope and on that hope one must walk....to the last mile!
Friday, October 07, 2005
Living on a prayer?
The phoenix rises yet again, well lets just say nothing pushed me enough out of my sloth-phase until now. A conversation with a friend about inter religious marriage threw back at me some fundamental questions about faith. So why do we believe? and what do we believe in? Does going to a place of worship every now and then make one a believer? Conversely, if one doesn't feel the need to visit a place of worship, does that make him/her a non-believer?
To me, faith is the most personal thing in one's life. It is the source of one's self confidence and hope, whichever way you look at it. It is, as my friend pointed out, a way that helps you discipline yourself. So if in the tenets of your religion (or outside of it), you find a way that gives you all this but is different from how other people look at it, why should you be wrong? Most people are tolerant of people from other religions, aren't they? Then why is it difficult to accept that one's own religion may be interpreted differently by different people?
Another fundamental question arose when the friend in question carried the discussion forward stating that if I got married to someone from outside my religion I will have to choose what religion I want my kids to believe in. I don't see why I need to make a choice. If I married outside my religion, do I suddenyl acquire a new belief system? Does my old belief system cease to exist? How can I pass on or expect my husband to pass on to our kids, belief systems that are alien to us or ones we have just begun to understand? Then again what is wrong in passing on both belief systems ( these could be traditional,personal or both) and letting the kid make her/his own decision? This brings me back to the first question in this circle of faith (so to speak!)-- how many people really think about why they believe? How many proactively make decisions?
To me, faith is the most personal thing in one's life. It is the source of one's self confidence and hope, whichever way you look at it. It is, as my friend pointed out, a way that helps you discipline yourself. So if in the tenets of your religion (or outside of it), you find a way that gives you all this but is different from how other people look at it, why should you be wrong? Most people are tolerant of people from other religions, aren't they? Then why is it difficult to accept that one's own religion may be interpreted differently by different people?
Another fundamental question arose when the friend in question carried the discussion forward stating that if I got married to someone from outside my religion I will have to choose what religion I want my kids to believe in. I don't see why I need to make a choice. If I married outside my religion, do I suddenyl acquire a new belief system? Does my old belief system cease to exist? How can I pass on or expect my husband to pass on to our kids, belief systems that are alien to us or ones we have just begun to understand? Then again what is wrong in passing on both belief systems ( these could be traditional,personal or both) and letting the kid make her/his own decision? This brings me back to the first question in this circle of faith (so to speak!)-- how many people really think about why they believe? How many proactively make decisions?
Friday, August 05, 2005
All You who Sleep Tonight
Its been a long time since I posted anything new. In the beginning, it was just that I didn't seem to have much to say. As time went by, I started plotting my comeback post (which only turned out to be a mild diversion because I soon realised that I still had nothing to say).
Slowly, laziness (my best friend) made itself comfortable, until today, when I chanced upon one of my all time favorite poems and sat wondering why I hadn't written about it yet. So bye bye laziness and here goes.
Short poems are always a delight. Specially ones that seem to convey so much in so less. Seth is a favorite with me and so is this one:
All You who Sleep Tonight
All you who sleep tonight
Far from the ones you love,
No hand to left or right
And emptiness above -
Know that you aren't alone
The whole world shares your tears,
Some for two nights or one,
And some for all their years.
-- Vikram Seth
Loneliness is, to me, the scariest thought. Indian society and culture never quite prepare one for loneliness in its true sense. Well the next question , of course is, does western society? I don't know too much about western society or culture, but of course its also rather naive to use one term to describe all the cultures that exist west of india..:)
Then there's the other thing.Are you lonely if you are alone? How many people explore alone-ness? Its interesting to note how, to many people, being alone is synonymous with being lonely!
Slowly, laziness (my best friend) made itself comfortable, until today, when I chanced upon one of my all time favorite poems and sat wondering why I hadn't written about it yet. So bye bye laziness and here goes.
Short poems are always a delight. Specially ones that seem to convey so much in so less. Seth is a favorite with me and so is this one:
All You who Sleep Tonight
All you who sleep tonight
Far from the ones you love,
No hand to left or right
And emptiness above -
Know that you aren't alone
The whole world shares your tears,
Some for two nights or one,
And some for all their years.
-- Vikram Seth
Loneliness is, to me, the scariest thought. Indian society and culture never quite prepare one for loneliness in its true sense. Well the next question , of course is, does western society? I don't know too much about western society or culture, but of course its also rather naive to use one term to describe all the cultures that exist west of india..:)
Then there's the other thing.Are you lonely if you are alone? How many people explore alone-ness? Its interesting to note how, to many people, being alone is synonymous with being lonely!
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
my favorite grook
For this post I have chosen a grook..........that's what Piet Hien calls his poems. You will know why a grrok is so likeable when you read this one.
A Psychological Tip
Whenever you're called on to make up your mind,
and you're hampered by not having any,
the best way to solve the dilemma, you'll find,
is simply by spinning a penny.
No - not so that chance shall decide the affair
while you're passively standing there moping;
but the moment the penny is up in the air,
you suddenly know what you're hoping
A lot of times, specially right out of the teens, one is faced with the need to make decisions and take responsibility for them. The predicament is often augmented by one's confused self image, what seems the smart thing to do and what one's value system defines as the right thing to do. The bravado and "maturity" vanish when often on the toss of one such coin one finds oneself wishing for something that is "wrong".
So wat makes a conformist conform and a non- conformist rebel? Aren't they both , in fact lying to themselves and to other around them?
A Psychological Tip
Whenever you're called on to make up your mind,
and you're hampered by not having any,
the best way to solve the dilemma, you'll find,
is simply by spinning a penny.
No - not so that chance shall decide the affair
while you're passively standing there moping;
but the moment the penny is up in the air,
you suddenly know what you're hoping
A lot of times, specially right out of the teens, one is faced with the need to make decisions and take responsibility for them. The predicament is often augmented by one's confused self image, what seems the smart thing to do and what one's value system defines as the right thing to do. The bravado and "maturity" vanish when often on the toss of one such coin one finds oneself wishing for something that is "wrong".
So wat makes a conformist conform and a non- conformist rebel? Aren't they both , in fact lying to themselves and to other around them?
Friday, July 01, 2005
How tall are you?
I rushed in, ran to my room and changed. In precisely 120 seconds I was out of my room, picking up a piece of bread laid out on the table for me and stuffing it in my mouth. Grabbing my bag, I made my way to the door screaming my goodbyes to my family, by now used to this drill.
Even as I put one foot out, doing a final mental check of all that i needed to take, Mrs.Ramachandran (sitting on the sofa all the while, as I now noticed) asked me that question: "How tall are you?"
Well if you are wondering why a simple four word query should have me so agitated- I have had that one thrown at me quite often nowadays but not quite when I am running to make it on time for class. No I am not one of those eight-footer hulks you would see on primetime guiness book of records, ladies and gentlemen, I am 22 years old. In the prying eyes of the Mrs.Ramachandrans of the world I would be the perfect match for their husband's sister's sister-in-law's best friend's grandson who is "MS-from-US" and a "very nice boy".
"How tall are you?" , therefore, is not a question.It is simply a statement Mrs.Ramachandran uses to let me know that she thinks I should get married soon.
So back to the scene at hand, I managed to pretend that I hadn't heard that and ran for dear life. Dear life , however, wasn't in a very charitable mood that day and Mrs.Ramachandran was still around when I returned two hours later. As soon as she saw me she started that cooing that was very uncharecteristic of her but which had ceased to surprise me for some time now. I realised it was one of those things that followed the ominous four word declaration she had made earlier. While she proceeded to make me feel at home, in my own house I might add, I decided to give up and give in. (Not to marriage silly, to listen to her.)
Even as we made inane conversation,I could feel the insides of her brain twisting with the effort of trying to come up with a hyphenated description for me. Soon she proceeded to tell me how smart she thought I was. I mean " Managing so many things together so well! Girls nowadays are so smart". While I looked helplessly around for some kind of support my treacherous family sat there smirking and enjoying the "fun". She then proceeded to tell me how an early marriage was the right thing to do and how beyond 25 I would lose my "charm".
The icing on the cake came with not one , not two but three cherries. With the look Hitler would have had had he won World War II, she finally revealed the "nice boys" she had in mind. Two brothers and their cousin. All looking to marry. All in some business in bombay (she wouldn't have known or cared if they were mafia), owned 2 flats in Hiranandani and five others in bombay and two huge bungalows in pune.
Since I was the smart-modern-yet-homely-girl (I am guessing thats how she would describe me) I could take my pick.
I did something next that blew all my chances of ever finding my hyphenated life partner.....in a four word reply I said " How 'bout all three?"
Even as I put one foot out, doing a final mental check of all that i needed to take, Mrs.Ramachandran (sitting on the sofa all the while, as I now noticed) asked me that question: "How tall are you?"
Well if you are wondering why a simple four word query should have me so agitated- I have had that one thrown at me quite often nowadays but not quite when I am running to make it on time for class. No I am not one of those eight-footer hulks you would see on primetime guiness book of records, ladies and gentlemen, I am 22 years old. In the prying eyes of the Mrs.Ramachandrans of the world I would be the perfect match for their husband's sister's sister-in-law's best friend's grandson who is "MS-from-US" and a "very nice boy".
"How tall are you?" , therefore, is not a question.It is simply a statement Mrs.Ramachandran uses to let me know that she thinks I should get married soon.
So back to the scene at hand, I managed to pretend that I hadn't heard that and ran for dear life. Dear life , however, wasn't in a very charitable mood that day and Mrs.Ramachandran was still around when I returned two hours later. As soon as she saw me she started that cooing that was very uncharecteristic of her but which had ceased to surprise me for some time now. I realised it was one of those things that followed the ominous four word declaration she had made earlier. While she proceeded to make me feel at home, in my own house I might add, I decided to give up and give in. (Not to marriage silly, to listen to her.)
Even as we made inane conversation,I could feel the insides of her brain twisting with the effort of trying to come up with a hyphenated description for me. Soon she proceeded to tell me how smart she thought I was. I mean " Managing so many things together so well! Girls nowadays are so smart". While I looked helplessly around for some kind of support my treacherous family sat there smirking and enjoying the "fun". She then proceeded to tell me how an early marriage was the right thing to do and how beyond 25 I would lose my "charm".
The icing on the cake came with not one , not two but three cherries. With the look Hitler would have had had he won World War II, she finally revealed the "nice boys" she had in mind. Two brothers and their cousin. All looking to marry. All in some business in bombay (she wouldn't have known or cared if they were mafia), owned 2 flats in Hiranandani and five others in bombay and two huge bungalows in pune.
Since I was the smart-modern-yet-homely-girl (I am guessing thats how she would describe me) I could take my pick.
I did something next that blew all my chances of ever finding my hyphenated life partner.....in a four word reply I said " How 'bout all three?"
Monday, June 27, 2005
Ode to the nice guy
This is something a friend sent me after we had this whole conversation about someone I described as a "nice" guy. She had this wry smile on her face and told me she will send me this write up. She kept her promise and here it is. I think it is a very well written piece and though humorous,drives home the point quite well..:)
http://www.stwing.upenn.edu/~jenf/writing/rant04.html
(I am not sure if I can reproduce it here because its from a journal)
There are female equivalents of nice guys too. The type who constantly get described as "oh she is a guy" or "you should have been born a guy!!" and though at different levels, these nice girls go through about the same as the nice guys! What say?
http://www.stwing.upenn.edu/~jenf/writing/rant04.html
(I am not sure if I can reproduce it here because its from a journal)
There are female equivalents of nice guys too. The type who constantly get described as "oh she is a guy" or "you should have been born a guy!!" and though at different levels, these nice girls go through about the same as the nice guys! What say?
Monday, June 20, 2005
Separation
'Separation'
Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.
-- W.S. Merwin
A poem which I read somewhere and a poem that caused me to look up everything else by the poet. But more importantly, a poem that caught me unawares. A poem that talks positively of separation. A poem that doesn't sensationalise the point at which a relationship between two people changes because there is a distance between them.
To me it is positive because it acknowledges that every interaction adds color to one's life. Every relationship teaches you how not to behave..:)
I love the use of words in this one. While it puts across that the separation has been hard (" gone through me") it recovers immediately with everything i do is stiched with its color. All of us have friends that we have parted ways with, physically or emotionally. There are some that make such lasting impacts that meeting them after a gap of 5,10 or 20 years making little or no difference to the comfort levels you feel with them. There is this zone that belongs only to the two of you and remains guarded.....for life.
Which brings me to something I had a conversation about with a friend yesterday. Is it possible to love somebody without expecting anything in return? Lets stick to platonic relationships only. Why is it important that if you think someone is a very dear friend, that someone should feel the same way about you? Isn't it enough how much happiness you are getting by simply liking that someone that much?
That was our line of discussion and I have no answers. But I have found that the people I believe are good friends are all friends made with little or no expectations. But then of course, the definition of an expectation might have been very different when we did become friends. I don't know!
P.S. One interesting thing about Merwin is that his translations of Neruda are really good. This poem isn't such a wonder any more is it??
Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.
-- W.S. Merwin
A poem which I read somewhere and a poem that caused me to look up everything else by the poet. But more importantly, a poem that caught me unawares. A poem that talks positively of separation. A poem that doesn't sensationalise the point at which a relationship between two people changes because there is a distance between them.
To me it is positive because it acknowledges that every interaction adds color to one's life. Every relationship teaches you how not to behave..:)
I love the use of words in this one. While it puts across that the separation has been hard (" gone through me") it recovers immediately with everything i do is stiched with its color. All of us have friends that we have parted ways with, physically or emotionally. There are some that make such lasting impacts that meeting them after a gap of 5,10 or 20 years making little or no difference to the comfort levels you feel with them. There is this zone that belongs only to the two of you and remains guarded.....for life.
Which brings me to something I had a conversation about with a friend yesterday. Is it possible to love somebody without expecting anything in return? Lets stick to platonic relationships only. Why is it important that if you think someone is a very dear friend, that someone should feel the same way about you? Isn't it enough how much happiness you are getting by simply liking that someone that much?
That was our line of discussion and I have no answers. But I have found that the people I believe are good friends are all friends made with little or no expectations. But then of course, the definition of an expectation might have been very different when we did become friends. I don't know!
P.S. One interesting thing about Merwin is that his translations of Neruda are really good. This poem isn't such a wonder any more is it??
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
The Infinity of Calculus!
Like most not-so-bright-at-maths kids, my school years were plagued constantly by "just-passed" marks in Maths. Just when I was getting used to it, Calculus happened!!! The little self confidence I had managed to salvage out of the wreck of my Class 10 board exams got buried right at the bottom in class 11 with wonderful calculus making a grand entry.
I always felt really dumb around people who were smart enough to pretend that they understood what was happening in class..:) But recently something happened that revived my calculus confidence. All those curses hurled at poor Newton hadn't gone in vein after all. The incident I am referring to is an interview conducted in my father's office while I happened to be there.
On one of those days when my father was consumed, almost wholly, by the pangs of jealousy he felt when he saw me sprawled on the sofa in front of the TV, he ordered me to get ready fast and come to the office with him. There was an interview and my job was to co-ordinate the whole thing(read do the peon's job of calling the next interviewee)
Anyways, so in came Mr.X ( for the sake of anonimity ), a fresher from ABC Engineering College ( for the sake of saving ABC from terrible embarassment). After the usual formalities and showing off his certificate of distinction he sat down. The rest of the interview lasted for about 2 mins and went something like this:
Dad :(smiling reassuringly at X, who was looking very worried) What is the integral of 1/x.
Mr.X : (takes a second to think ,looks up, a triumphant smile wiping away all the worry lines, and announces) INFINITY
Me :(looking intently at Dad to see if he gets the someone-is-dumber-that-my-daughter-at-this relief look on his face)
Dad : (trying hard to not fall off his chair but regaining his composure just in time ) Can you explain how you get that?
Said Mr.X, hardly able to contain his excitement: Sir, the integral of x to the power n is x to the power n+1 divided by n+1. 1/x means x to the power -1, so by the rule the integral has a 0 in the denominator and so the answer is INFINITY!!!
BEAT THAT NEWTON!
I always felt really dumb around people who were smart enough to pretend that they understood what was happening in class..:) But recently something happened that revived my calculus confidence. All those curses hurled at poor Newton hadn't gone in vein after all. The incident I am referring to is an interview conducted in my father's office while I happened to be there.
On one of those days when my father was consumed, almost wholly, by the pangs of jealousy he felt when he saw me sprawled on the sofa in front of the TV, he ordered me to get ready fast and come to the office with him. There was an interview and my job was to co-ordinate the whole thing(read do the peon's job of calling the next interviewee)
Anyways, so in came Mr.X ( for the sake of anonimity ), a fresher from ABC Engineering College ( for the sake of saving ABC from terrible embarassment). After the usual formalities and showing off his certificate of distinction he sat down. The rest of the interview lasted for about 2 mins and went something like this:
Dad :(smiling reassuringly at X, who was looking very worried) What is the integral of 1/x.
Mr.X : (takes a second to think ,looks up, a triumphant smile wiping away all the worry lines, and announces) INFINITY
Me :(looking intently at Dad to see if he gets the someone-is-dumber-that-my-daughter-at-this relief look on his face)
Dad : (trying hard to not fall off his chair but regaining his composure just in time ) Can you explain how you get that?
Said Mr.X, hardly able to contain his excitement: Sir, the integral of x to the power n is x to the power n+1 divided by n+1. 1/x means x to the power -1, so by the rule the integral has a 0 in the denominator and so the answer is INFINITY!!!
BEAT THAT NEWTON!
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Wannabe Somebody
Emily Dickinson puts it rather well when she says:
I'm Nobody! Who are you?
Are you--Nobody--Too?
Then there's a pair of us?
Don't tell! they'd advertise--you know!
How dreary--to be--Somebody!
How public--like a Frog--
To tell one's name--the livelong June--
To an admiring Bog!
The real world expects all of us to be "somebodys" or atleast state an ambition to that effect. Why is there this need for recognition? Is it because we are not comfortable with ourselves? If we are indeed comfortable then why this need for outside endorsement?
Of course, all this applies to talented people. What of the untalented? Why are they under the constant pressure of having to prove one talent or the other? Can't someone be plain untalented? Why can we never accept these things?
Then of course there are people who are comfortable with being nobodys and the wannabe somebody world calls them LAZY!!!
I'm Nobody! Who are you?
Are you--Nobody--Too?
Then there's a pair of us?
Don't tell! they'd advertise--you know!
How dreary--to be--Somebody!
How public--like a Frog--
To tell one's name--the livelong June--
To an admiring Bog!
The real world expects all of us to be "somebodys" or atleast state an ambition to that effect. Why is there this need for recognition? Is it because we are not comfortable with ourselves? If we are indeed comfortable then why this need for outside endorsement?
Of course, all this applies to talented people. What of the untalented? Why are they under the constant pressure of having to prove one talent or the other? Can't someone be plain untalented? Why can we never accept these things?
Then of course there are people who are comfortable with being nobodys and the wannabe somebody world calls them LAZY!!!
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Said the queen of HEARTS- "Off with his HEAD" !!!
No this isn't a post about my love for that wonderful book! I am back at doing what i do best-asking silly questions!!
Well this one's about What rules a decision- the head or the heart?
To begin with, what is the definition of "head" and "heart" here?Is it about emotions? Popular notion has it that a "head" type decision maker is the practical kind and of course the "heart" type decision maker goes by what "feels" is right as opposed to how practical a decision it may be.
Arguably, we fall in either category depending on the decision itself.But in general people lean to one side or the other for most of their decisions. Any decision is difficult but don't heart decisions tend to be a little less thought out and impulsive? May be more room for regret in the future?
Being a very head type decision maker I have often found it very difficult to identify with heart type decisions!! Sometimes the lack of logic is so striking its almost as if the decision was made hoping for a miracle! Decisions colored by unrealistic optimism are as obvious to people who make them as they are to on lookers. So what makes people go ahead and make those decisions anyways? Does emotion kill the rationale of the thinking brain? Does it take one further away from reason,logic and indeed reality?
Well this one's about What rules a decision- the head or the heart?
To begin with, what is the definition of "head" and "heart" here?Is it about emotions? Popular notion has it that a "head" type decision maker is the practical kind and of course the "heart" type decision maker goes by what "feels" is right as opposed to how practical a decision it may be.
Arguably, we fall in either category depending on the decision itself.But in general people lean to one side or the other for most of their decisions. Any decision is difficult but don't heart decisions tend to be a little less thought out and impulsive? May be more room for regret in the future?
Being a very head type decision maker I have often found it very difficult to identify with heart type decisions!! Sometimes the lack of logic is so striking its almost as if the decision was made hoping for a miracle! Decisions colored by unrealistic optimism are as obvious to people who make them as they are to on lookers. So what makes people go ahead and make those decisions anyways? Does emotion kill the rationale of the thinking brain? Does it take one further away from reason,logic and indeed reality?
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Footprints on my sand
The other day,I was listening to one of my favorite songs "Kaneerae Kaneerae" from the movie Uyire for the nth time. This time , however, was a little different because I paid attention to the lyrics . To cut a long story short, there are two lines in the second paragraph :
unnoadu naan kanda bandham
mannoadu mazhai konda sondham
kaayndhaalum adi eeram enjum
( This bond I have with you is like that of rain and the earth, the dampness beneath never dries)
Very simply put but these words kindle so many emotions! At once, one remembers all those friends that one has left behind or with whom one has lost touch and starts feeling thankful for the friends one has now!!
I know its beginning to sound like one of those forwards which tells you , you must call that friend 'cos tomorrow s/he may be dead!! So i will stop here before it gets more sugary.
But to everybody...thanks..:)
unnoadu naan kanda bandham
mannoadu mazhai konda sondham
kaayndhaalum adi eeram enjum
( This bond I have with you is like that of rain and the earth, the dampness beneath never dries)
Very simply put but these words kindle so many emotions! At once, one remembers all those friends that one has left behind or with whom one has lost touch and starts feeling thankful for the friends one has now!!
I know its beginning to sound like one of those forwards which tells you , you must call that friend 'cos tomorrow s/he may be dead!! So i will stop here before it gets more sugary.
But to everybody...thanks..:)
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
I'm cool
Having indulged my over active creative urges, the past week was spent recovering from its aftermath..:) Well, since the "she" in question is quite out of the way, atleast for now, I am at peace now.
A conversation with a friend a few days back brought to me this observation.Let me try and put it as lucidly as my clear head (pun unintended) allows me to:
Notice how in a really thick friendship between a guy and a girl,to the girl, the guy is a friend first and then a guy whereas to the guy, the girl, no matter how good a friend, is a girl first...........always. In fact, sometimes I have felt that from the guy's point of view the friendship itself is based on the one strong basis of her gender.
I have found this to be true in the many friendships I have had and the others that I have observed.Guys seem to be more at ease talking about their "soft" side with girls. It is ok for them to tell a girl how bad they are feeling about something or to cry to her when they are heart broken. Though all guys realise they they have this side and also recognise the need to talk about it , they don't do so with each other.
Why? Why is it so important for a guy to maintain the "I'm cool" image in front of other guys? What is it about a girl that brings these defences down?
Is it that she listens? But guys listen too. Is it that she is caring? Then again, guys can be equally if not more caring. Is it that she provides solutions? This definitely can't be the case because most often a girl would just listen and be sympathetic and not provide any inputs by way of solution. Then What?????
A conversation with a friend a few days back brought to me this observation.Let me try and put it as lucidly as my clear head (pun unintended) allows me to:
Notice how in a really thick friendship between a guy and a girl,to the girl, the guy is a friend first and then a guy whereas to the guy, the girl, no matter how good a friend, is a girl first...........always. In fact, sometimes I have felt that from the guy's point of view the friendship itself is based on the one strong basis of her gender.
I have found this to be true in the many friendships I have had and the others that I have observed.Guys seem to be more at ease talking about their "soft" side with girls. It is ok for them to tell a girl how bad they are feeling about something or to cry to her when they are heart broken. Though all guys realise they they have this side and also recognise the need to talk about it , they don't do so with each other.
Why? Why is it so important for a guy to maintain the "I'm cool" image in front of other guys? What is it about a girl that brings these defences down?
Is it that she listens? But guys listen too. Is it that she is caring? Then again, guys can be equally if not more caring. Is it that she provides solutions? This definitely can't be the case because most often a girl would just listen and be sympathetic and not provide any inputs by way of solution. Then What?????
Thursday, May 12, 2005
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO CALL THIS ONE WITHOUT GETTING MY ASS KICKED!!!!
Notice how the best creative activity happens when you least expect it. Well it happened to me today.....just now in fact. I was chatting with a friend on yahoo.....something i don't do often....i mean chatting on yahoo not chatting itself..:d. I noticed how cute the emoticons were and just like that I was inspired to write this narrative about my friend's happenning life......If you are patient enough.......copy it,paste it on a yahoo messenger conversation window and press enter and read it.....'cos without that its like a story by a 7 year old who just discovered that girls and boys are different beings..:D.( i dont want ppl telling me that's how it is even now...'cos a lot of effort and creative energy went into this thing!!!)
Ok I shall contain my excitement and unveil the piece of art.....here goes.....
P.S. Stick it one line at a time ...it works better then
P.S. 2 If you have no one online on yahoo to send it to......open a window and send it to yourself....that way you can read it twice....:D ( ok i am totally losing it!!!)
( * names changed to preserve anonimity)
(:| i get so tired when she* calls herself aO:-). Often i get :-& when she( its the same she throughout) goes on about it. But do u know, nowadays :x??!! of course i am X-( that she hasnt told me abt it but then i love to :-? abt her love life.
i am sure one day she'll drop the bomb and i will be like :-O..........him* :-/ ?? he(same he throughout too) is such a L-)!!!!! but tis ok if u like him ...i mean ur happiness is important ;;)...........and she will be like :">........full :x wat to do?????
and then she will be all B-) with the boyfriend and forget me.......and i'll be =((......(in front of her) actually i will be like #:-S
now its time for all of you to =D>....c'mon wasn't that a =)) story???but :-$ dont tell her ok 'cos i am really :-SS.i am a real >:) aint i? muahahahaha :d
Ok I shall contain my excitement and unveil the piece of art.....here goes.....
P.S. Stick it one line at a time ...it works better then
P.S. 2 If you have no one online on yahoo to send it to......open a window and send it to yourself....that way you can read it twice....:D ( ok i am totally losing it!!!)
( * names changed to preserve anonimity)
(:| i get so tired when she* calls herself aO:-). Often i get :-& when she( its the same she throughout) goes on about it. But do u know, nowadays :x??!! of course i am X-( that she hasnt told me abt it but then i love to :-? abt her love life.
i am sure one day she'll drop the bomb and i will be like :-O..........him* :-/ ?? he(same he throughout too) is such a L-)!!!!! but tis ok if u like him ...i mean ur happiness is important ;;)...........and she will be like :">........full :x wat to do?????
and then she will be all B-) with the boyfriend and forget me.......and i'll be =((......(in front of her) actually i will be like #:-S
now its time for all of you to =D>....c'mon wasn't that a =)) story???but :-$ dont tell her ok 'cos i am really :-SS.i am a real >:) aint i? muahahahaha :d
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
sonnet CXXX
While some people are going to roll their eyes when they see this..........I cant help it......I am the incurable romantic..:)
My Mistress' Eyes are Nothing Like the Sun
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red:
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound.
I grant I never saw a goddess go:
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
One of my favorite sonnets by the bard, the other being sonnet 143.I love this one for how aptly it captures how normal people feel about love. So is anyone perfect? and how many people are lucky enough (?) to find a perfect lover? then again, isnt perfection in itself subjective?
A friend once told me a story about a boy who wanted to marry this girl. The girl's father agrees to the match upon the condition that the boy find the tallest tree in the forest near the village. The boy having gone in comes upon the a really tall tree but goes on further to find a taller one. After a few days he is still in the forest, having lost his way, and still looking for the tallest tree.
So what makes two people commit to a relationship? The belief that they have found the tallest tree? or that this is the first tall tree they saw? What happens to people like the boy in the story? do they ever find their tall tree?
My Mistress' Eyes are Nothing Like the Sun
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red:
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound.
I grant I never saw a goddess go:
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
One of my favorite sonnets by the bard, the other being sonnet 143.I love this one for how aptly it captures how normal people feel about love. So is anyone perfect? and how many people are lucky enough (?) to find a perfect lover? then again, isnt perfection in itself subjective?
A friend once told me a story about a boy who wanted to marry this girl. The girl's father agrees to the match upon the condition that the boy find the tallest tree in the forest near the village. The boy having gone in comes upon the a really tall tree but goes on further to find a taller one. After a few days he is still in the forest, having lost his way, and still looking for the tallest tree.
So what makes two people commit to a relationship? The belief that they have found the tallest tree? or that this is the first tall tree they saw? What happens to people like the boy in the story? do they ever find their tall tree?
Friday, May 06, 2005
Revival
This post comes after three months of laziness...:) but I figured that,when mr.inspiration himself has decided to reconsider his decision to stop blogging,I should save my blog from dying, for what its worth.
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For Hope
Was watching a movie on Hallmark yesterday (they show some good stuff) in which the main character is dying and the family is rallying around in typical american style...all the lost love and time being made up for and stuff. They are all being cheerful "for her" when one character says something about "optimism spilling over to denial". That is what triggered off this post.
Optimism and denial- where do we draw the line?
To me they form a continuum from one end rooted in reality to another where reality fades away slowly. Optimism is healthy only until one is in touch with reality. So why does denial happen? Often we find that denial is more comforting than reality. Of course, it shields us from the "harsh" reality, to use a cliche. However, isnt it only a temporary solution? Denial just stuffs all the difficult emotions into this bag at the bottom of memory and this bag keeps growing with every uneasy memory.
So if there comes one day when the bag cant take any more where do we go?
This brings me to one more question which has been doing the rounds in my thought process for sometime now. Why do we not want to face "sad" feelings? We have been so conditioned to believe that one set of feelings are good and happy so anything that does not fulfill in this definition is the opposite...Well so be it. So why are unhappy emotions termed bad? Will denial happen if we accepted that both are happy and sad are part of the deal?
The other face of denial is hope.
"Hope holds up the world" goes a very old and oft-quoted hindi idiom. Here again, isnt hoping for the impossible also a form of denial?
Well this post is far from complete but I find myself rather inarticualte and rusty at this point in time. Hopefully the following posts will better put out what I am trying to say. (yes m. that means I have intentions of continuing this thing..:))
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
For Hope
Was watching a movie on Hallmark yesterday (they show some good stuff) in which the main character is dying and the family is rallying around in typical american style...all the lost love and time being made up for and stuff. They are all being cheerful "for her" when one character says something about "optimism spilling over to denial". That is what triggered off this post.
Optimism and denial- where do we draw the line?
To me they form a continuum from one end rooted in reality to another where reality fades away slowly. Optimism is healthy only until one is in touch with reality. So why does denial happen? Often we find that denial is more comforting than reality. Of course, it shields us from the "harsh" reality, to use a cliche. However, isnt it only a temporary solution? Denial just stuffs all the difficult emotions into this bag at the bottom of memory and this bag keeps growing with every uneasy memory.
So if there comes one day when the bag cant take any more where do we go?
This brings me to one more question which has been doing the rounds in my thought process for sometime now. Why do we not want to face "sad" feelings? We have been so conditioned to believe that one set of feelings are good and happy so anything that does not fulfill in this definition is the opposite...Well so be it. So why are unhappy emotions termed bad? Will denial happen if we accepted that both are happy and sad are part of the deal?
The other face of denial is hope.
"Hope holds up the world" goes a very old and oft-quoted hindi idiom. Here again, isnt hoping for the impossible also a form of denial?
Well this post is far from complete but I find myself rather inarticualte and rusty at this point in time. Hopefully the following posts will better put out what I am trying to say. (yes m. that means I have intentions of continuing this thing..:))
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Are you in love?
In bangalore,not upto too much right now! An enquiry about my blog address this morning reminded me that i hadn't posted anything in a long time...........so here goes.
For this post I have chosen the first in a long list of favorites......
If you were coming in the fall
If you were coming in the fall,
I'd brush the summer by
With half a smile and half a spurn,
As housewives do a fly.
If I could see you in a year,
I'd wind the months in balls,
And put them each in separate drawers,
Until their time befalls.
If only centuries delayed,
I'd count them on my hand,
Subtracting till my fingers dropped
Into Van Diemen's land.
If certain, when this life was out,
That yours and mine should be,
I'd toss it yonder like a rind,
And taste eternity.
But now, all ignorant of the length
Of time's uncertain wing,
It goads me, like the goblin bee,
That will not state its sting.
-- Emily Dickinson.
For this post I have chosen the first in a long list of favorites......
If you were coming in the fall
If you were coming in the fall,
I'd brush the summer by
With half a smile and half a spurn,
As housewives do a fly.
If I could see you in a year,
I'd wind the months in balls,
And put them each in separate drawers,
Until their time befalls.
If only centuries delayed,
I'd count them on my hand,
Subtracting till my fingers dropped
Into Van Diemen's land.
If certain, when this life was out,
That yours and mine should be,
I'd toss it yonder like a rind,
And taste eternity.
But now, all ignorant of the length
Of time's uncertain wing,
It goads me, like the goblin bee,
That will not state its sting.
-- Emily Dickinson.
In one of her most straightforward poems,Dickinson brings out,very beautifully the angst of separation and in classic dickinson style this one can be interpreted in many ways.
In the simplest sense,it could be looked at as someone talking of a lover who has gone away. Pining for the lover and the good times they had.
Reminds one of Kalidasa's Meghadootham.In what is possibly the best example of 'vipralambasringaara' (separation) in Sanskrit literature, the banished yaksha speaks of his wife and all the good times they have had.
This poem as well as Meghadootham always leave me wondering how we "fall in love". A life that's hitherto been your own, you are made to share with someone else and you do so willingly. In fact, for a majority of us, finding a partner to "love and cherish" seems the primary aim in life. There has to be something to it,beyond the evolutionary baggage that we carry.
Unrequitted love
Having said all that,however ,what I think makes this poem very special is the subtle suggestion of unrequitted love. It paints a picture of a lonely individual in love with someone who does not reciprocate that love. However, the love also brings with it the hope of reciprocation. The poet talks of waiting all her life, of giving up life if need be. Also reminds one of the numerous Bhakthi movement songs where the yearning of the jeevaatma for then paramaatma is brought out using lovers as metaphor.
Besides all this, what I find very interesting about the poem is,of course, the use of words. Very simple and lyrical. The metaphors almost pass you by without your noticing them the first time you read it, yet they make the impact they should.
My favourite is : I'd toss it yonder like a rind,And taste eternity
It speaks of a love that is so intense and holds such promise that life seems like but a rind that is in the way of getting to the sweet fruit.
This brings me back a full circle to my initial question. What makes us seek out a mate? How does evolution explain the concept of love? Even in the social context what is it that makes us want to dedicate a lifetime to being with someone,alter all life's plans to help them fit in or fit into their life? So is falling in love worth all that its made out to be?
Sunday, January 09, 2005
God's in his heaven
Pippa's Song
THE year 's at the spring,
And day 's at the morn;
Morning 's at seven;
The hill-side 's dew-pearl'd;
The lark 's on the wing;
The snail 's on the thorn;
God 's in His heaven—
All 's right with the world!
-Robert Browning
While I am at it, here's another poem which marvels at God's creation, albeit from a different view of things.Pippa's Song by Robert Browning is one of my favorites.It has a childlike ,wide-eyed ,open-mouthed quality to it.
To me the highlight of the poem is, predictably, the last line. It takes a lot to say " All is right with the world" and to say it means to be at a level of being which most of us spend a lifetime chasing.
Starting from the start..:)
The whole poem paints an ideal picture.....Spring, the best time of the year,Seven in the morning when the sun is just out and spreading a warm glow, The dew is still there giving the whole world a pearly hue, the lark and snail are where they should be, doing what they do best.
It is so beautiful because it presents an over-simplified picture.An innocent view where all is right with the world.
I wonder though, if it is in fact trying to suggest that in this very simplicity lies the happiness that we strive to achieve. It is in fact in the beauty around us and the "simple" things that bring us happiness. Reminds one of Wordsworth when he says-
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
Friday, January 07, 2005
Pratham
Pratham is the first post on this blog. For the information of any reader besides myself,if and when i decide to tell someone about it, this blog will contain my thoughts and reaction to poetry and lyrics. Though i have just started to think seriously about it, I find myself drawn toward poetry to the point of addiction. I am hoping writing about it and making a hash of my favourite poems will somehow help me get over this new found obsession.
I have to decided to mark the beginning of this blog by writing about Bharatiyar's Iraiva.
A song that celebrates God's creation. A song that appreciates all that is beautiful in the world. The simple expression and awe conveyed by the poem are very appealing.It touches the more serious aspects of our being when it talks of Bhakti and Mukti. This,in my opinion, is significant because it outlines Bharatiyar's stand. Born a brahmin, he shunned the rituals of brahmin society maintaining that he is as close,if not more, to God by treating his fellow beings as equals. Bharatiyar songs strongly reflect the ideas put forth in the Bhakthi movement of the medieval ages.
Ettanai kodi inbam vaithaai,engal iraiva!
Chittinai Achittudan inaithaai,
Angu serum aimbhoothatthin viyan ulagam amaithaai,
Attanai ulagamum varna kalanjiyamaaga,
pala pala nal azhaigugal samaithaai.
Mukti endru oru nilai samaithaai
Angu muzhuthinaiyyum unarum unarvu amaithaai,
Bhakthi endru oru nilai vaguthaai
engal parama!
I am attempting a crude translation without which the point i am trying to make may not come through.
He starts off by saying " You have created innumerable sweet things o lord!"
Its a wonderful piece of poetry because it puts across so many tenets of philosophy in such simple words without failing to make the necessary impact.
The first paragraph talks of consciousness and unconsciousness. He says its a wonder that two such states exist in harmony with one another because the world lies in the interface of these two.
I find this idea most intriguing. He combines the Hindu philosophy that states that all matter is made of the five elements-Air,Water,Fire,Earth and Ether- beautifully with the suggestion that the world around us is in fact not fully percieved by the conscious mind. The unconscious mind percieves and registers what the eye does not see and the ear does not hear and the interplay of all this is what we believe is "our" world.
The next paragraph goes into the next plane of being-the plane of salvation or mukti. He describes Mukti as a state where one can feel everything. This is a thought which seems radically opposite to the popular belief that Salvation frees one of all feeling. However, a deeper look makes me rethink the line and I wonder is "everything" in this context is in referance to the Brahman. In fact, he uses the word "muzhuthinayum" meaning all of it or whole. This may in fact be a reference to the sloka :
"Om purnamadah purnamidam purnaat purnamudachyate purnasya purnamaadaaya purnamevaaavashishyate"
This is the speech of the brahman wherein He says " I am Whole and every part of me is also Whole"
The next line reiterates the ideology of the bhakti movement. He uses bhakti as an adverb rather than a verb. Here he calls bhakti also a state suggesting the link between the two.
The poem makes one want to look at nature and the world around.it makes one want to be thankful for all that is and it confers on the reader a peace that comes from the security that He is there to love and protect.
Its poems like these that leave agnostics like me in confusion!
I have to decided to mark the beginning of this blog by writing about Bharatiyar's Iraiva.
A song that celebrates God's creation. A song that appreciates all that is beautiful in the world. The simple expression and awe conveyed by the poem are very appealing.It touches the more serious aspects of our being when it talks of Bhakti and Mukti. This,in my opinion, is significant because it outlines Bharatiyar's stand. Born a brahmin, he shunned the rituals of brahmin society maintaining that he is as close,if not more, to God by treating his fellow beings as equals. Bharatiyar songs strongly reflect the ideas put forth in the Bhakthi movement of the medieval ages.
Ettanai kodi inbam vaithaai,engal iraiva!
Chittinai Achittudan inaithaai,
Angu serum aimbhoothatthin viyan ulagam amaithaai,
Attanai ulagamum varna kalanjiyamaaga,
pala pala nal azhaigugal samaithaai.
Mukti endru oru nilai samaithaai
Angu muzhuthinaiyyum unarum unarvu amaithaai,
Bhakthi endru oru nilai vaguthaai
engal parama!
I am attempting a crude translation without which the point i am trying to make may not come through.
He starts off by saying " You have created innumerable sweet things o lord!"
Its a wonderful piece of poetry because it puts across so many tenets of philosophy in such simple words without failing to make the necessary impact.
The first paragraph talks of consciousness and unconsciousness. He says its a wonder that two such states exist in harmony with one another because the world lies in the interface of these two.
I find this idea most intriguing. He combines the Hindu philosophy that states that all matter is made of the five elements-Air,Water,Fire,Earth and Ether- beautifully with the suggestion that the world around us is in fact not fully percieved by the conscious mind. The unconscious mind percieves and registers what the eye does not see and the ear does not hear and the interplay of all this is what we believe is "our" world.
The next paragraph goes into the next plane of being-the plane of salvation or mukti. He describes Mukti as a state where one can feel everything. This is a thought which seems radically opposite to the popular belief that Salvation frees one of all feeling. However, a deeper look makes me rethink the line and I wonder is "everything" in this context is in referance to the Brahman. In fact, he uses the word "muzhuthinayum" meaning all of it or whole. This may in fact be a reference to the sloka :
"Om purnamadah purnamidam purnaat purnamudachyate purnasya purnamaadaaya purnamevaaavashishyate"
This is the speech of the brahman wherein He says " I am Whole and every part of me is also Whole"
The next line reiterates the ideology of the bhakti movement. He uses bhakti as an adverb rather than a verb. Here he calls bhakti also a state suggesting the link between the two.
The poem makes one want to look at nature and the world around.it makes one want to be thankful for all that is and it confers on the reader a peace that comes from the security that He is there to love and protect.
Its poems like these that leave agnostics like me in confusion!
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